A: Not only would I say it is "OK" to check your kid's text messages and email but I would say you MUST check them! As parents, it is our job to guide our children. How can we guide them if we don't know what they are going through or being exposed to? The reasons for being involved in your kid’s on-line life are the same as being involved in their off-line lives. If you wouldn't dream of letting your child be away from the house from 5pm - midnight on a Saturday and not asking them where they are going, who they are going to be with or what they are doing, then apply those same parental guidelines when it comes to their cell phones, email, AIM and Facebook. Sexting is very widespread. When I ask 8th graders if they have seen a naked picture of somebody on their cell phone or a cell phone of a friend, 90% say that they have. Sexting is essentially, "spin the bottle" or "3 minutes in the closet" - the same games we played as kids. Their hormones are raging; wanting to see a naked picture is natural behavior. Sexting is a product of the technology that these kids are growing up with. By checking our children's cell phones on a nightly basis, we may be able to stop a tragedy...whether it is something in writing that could lead to trouble or a naked picture. Many times I hear parents say that they don't want to invade their child's privacy. I tell them that the definition of privacy is "secret". What I am suggesting is that you provide your child protection, "protecting from harm". When you see something that is wrong, remember not to rush into giving them a punishment. Use the example as a "teachable moment". Help your child to understand how certain actions can cause certain outcomes. | (view all answers to this question)

A: Isn’t driving a carpool a great resource for finding out those things that are going on in our kids’ and their friends’ lives? Use that same concept in their on-line lives. I suggest social networking and texting with your child and their friends. It is important to know their passwords and make a habit of checking their social networking and text messages on a nightly basis. My suggestion to open the lines of communication about sexting with your daughter is to Google the name Cynthia Logan. Cynthia Logan’s daughter committed suicide after the nude picture she sent to her boyfriend was forwarded throughout the school and surrounding schools, following their breakup. The ridiculing, teasing and tormenting that she went through after being exposed to thousands of people was too much for her to bear. All of our kids start out naïve. It is our job as parents to teach our kids appropriate behaviors. It is important that we teach them and explain the consequences of our actions. Besides the mental consequences that could result from her nude picture being shown to others, there are legal consequences for everyone involved. Once a nude picture of a child is taken, it is considered child pornography. Once the nude picture is sent or forwarded via cell phone or internet, it is considered distribution of child pornography. Anyone caught distributing child pornography can be charged as a sex offender. Sex offenders carry this with them and can affect their opportunities with college and careers. Start social networking with your daughter. ItsMyLocker.com is a website that is meant to be done with parent and child. It gives you the opportunity to be involved in your child’s on-line life. As you witness posts or pictures that you think need guidance, talk to your child about how their actions can lead to specific consequences. Use these situations as “teachable moments.” As far as you daughter’s friend, it is absolutely necessary that you contact the girl’s parents, as well as the boyfriend’s parents. As an adult, you have the power to save a lot of lives by reaching out to them and letting them know this might have happened. Make sure they check the “mms” messages on the cell phones; this is where you can find pictures. | (view all answers to this question)