Biography:
Dr. Debra Brooks is a licensed Christian Counselor and Professional Life Coach. She is also a Certified Divorce/Family Mediator, and Parenting Coach.
Dr. Brooks is the Founder of Open Arms Ministry, which serves at-risk youth and their families. Their motto: “Empowering Families to Excellence” is also her life’s mission.
Debra has more than 14 years of experience working with individuals and families. Her interactive and engaging speaking style, has positioned Dr. Brooks as a highly sought-after facilitator. She has designed and facilitated several workshops covering subjects such as self-esteem, family relations, parenting, conflict management, and goal-setting.
Dr. Brooks uses her real-world experience (both professionally and personally) along with practical tools to empower families to excellence.
She is the proud mother of two sons and is an avid believer in the power that lies within. |
Recent Questions:
Q: I am divorced for a short while, after being separated for several years. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells "I hate you" and even curses at me even in public. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine.
My problem is that I have no control over discipline. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to me, let alone a parent. But since she doesn't live with me, her mother is the disciplinarian and always with my daughter. And I don't believe that my daughter speaks to her mother or anyone else the way she talks to me.
I love my daughter, but I can't let anyone, especially not my own child, speak to me in such a terrible way. When I can pick the kids up, she never wants to come, but the boys and I have a good time together.
I don't know what to do.
show/hide answer
A: Divorce puts a strain on everyone in a family. Adolescent years can seem overwhelming to any teen, particularly to those dealing with their parents’ divorce. If your daughter did not display this type of behavior before the divorce then you can be assured that she is having a hard time dealing with the change in her family. You are correct in thinking that your daughter is probably blaming you for the divorce. Both of you should be careful not to put her, or any of the children, in the middle of any disagreements. It is important that you and her mother sit down together with her and talk to her about how she feels. While it is right to expect respect from your daughter, remember to give her a voice in the discussion. Stay connected with your daughter, assuring her of your love. In time, you will get through this--and so will she. | (view all answers to this question)
Q: Is it ok if I check my kids text messages and email? I don't suspect anything wrong but a friend's child was recently caught sexting and I would not have suspected her child of doing that either. It's just that I know our kids make mistakes and one like this could be costly and I would like to avoid it.
show/hide answer
A: You are right that this could lead to a costly mistake, but before you check those messages you may want to have a discussion with kids about the dangers of this type of behavior. Your child communicates with friends in various ways each day…ie (phone, cell phone, text, email, social sites, in person…..etc), so this conversation can give you a platform for setting some rules. It is important to have expectations about appropriate conversation and behavior in any type of situation. Assure your child that you trust them, but let them know of your concern for their safety. It is always better to be proactive than reactive. | (view all answers to this question)
Q: Nine months ago I married a woman with a 16-year-old daughter. Neither of us had been married before. Though her daughter is a good kid, recently she has become extremely fresh and ill mannered to me lately and defying her mother’s rules. The problem is that my wife lets her get away with it. I’m getting fed up and don’t want to live this way.
show/hide answer
A: At this age children can begin to test the boundaries of their parents. Although very common, it does not mean that it is acceptable behavior. Parenting a teenager can have its challenges, being a step-parent to a teenager has its own set of unique challenges. It is important that you and your wife present a “united front” when dealing with your step-daughter. Sit with your wife (out of earshot of your step-daughter) and discuss acceptable behavior and discipline. When the two of you have agreed upon rules for the household, you should BOTH sit down with your step-daughter to discuss appropriate behavior/disciplinary actions. The main thing is to be consistent and stick together. | (view all answers to this question)
View all questions answered by this advisor. |