Comments on: Sometimes you need to have an awkward conversation

By: NG

NG — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 20:12:12 +0000

When he was in high school, my son and his friends loved jazz. For his birthday, we took him and his friends into NYC to the Village Vanguard, for a couple hours of jazz. They felt cooool, sitting at the tiny tables in the dimly lit room, listening to the featured trio play. I quietly took the waitress aside, and said: “all the kids at these tables, they’re all in high school, and do not get any alcohol.” She nodded, understandingly. One of the boys overhead me, and said: “WHAT? Oh MAN!” (Meaning: “Come on, you don’t really mean that, do you?”) I just jokingly said: “Not tonight. Not on MY watch!” When the evening was over and they were saying goodnight, the group said: “This was the best party ever.” The fun came from the music and from being together, alcohol wasn’t necessary.

By: NG

NG — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 19:35:16 +0000

The vast majority of parents were gracious and understanding about those tough questions. One or two were indignant: “Well, if we don’t serve alcohol, they’ll just go someplace else and get it. But we won’t let it get out of hand.” At that point, I just made the conversation very light and non-judgmental, and said something like “Oh, I see, well, thanks so much, I’ll come pick them up in 45 minutes.” (And I DID.) Then, I told my kids they could have fun some other way: they could invite their friends to our house, or I’d treat them and their friends to a movie, bowling, ice-skating, roller-skating, miniature golf, ice-cream, etc. I got a LOT of attitude, but I could live with that.

By: admin

admin — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 16:47:11 +0000

You do what is in the best interest of your child.

By: NG

NG — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 15:43:50 +0000

I was always considered the “hard-nosed” parent, when my children were teens. I went to or called the party house myself and spoke with the parents. I not only asked if a parent would be home, but also if they would be visually supervising the teens. [Sometimes parents are home, but are up in their bedroom watching TV and are not aware of what’s going on downsatirs.] On prom night, I called the limo company and restaurants and asked if alcohol would be served. My children were beyond mortified. Guess what. Many years later, I got some thanks-yous. First, from the other parents who said: “I’m so glad you checked things out.” Then, from my kids, who said: “When we saw how the other kids behaved in college, we were glad you raised us like you did.” So, hang tough. It pays off.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:35:28 +0000

I totally agree with the awkward conversation and that is my practice. I have not encountered the awkward silence or harsh reply yet. If that does happen, what do you do then. Do you require your child to leave the party immediately, do you go and pick up, do you trust that they will make the good choice and not partake? What do you do?