Maggie Macaulay, MS Ed
http://www.WholeHeartedParenting.com

http://www.njsbf.com/njsbf/student/eagle/winter02-5.cfm.

What struck me the most was the section -“Caring majority” needed. It stressed that the focus should not only be on the victim and the bully, but it must be on the bystanders as well- the ones who witness the bullying incidents. Most times they become sympathetic to the bully and not the victim, because they fear they will become the next target. And if we, the adults in charge, do not intervene, then that sends a message to the bystanders that this type of behavior is tolerated and they might try to mimic the bully’s behavior to see if they could get away with it too. We must teach our children to “care” about others, especially those who are mistreated and not to tolerate verbal or physical bullying. The quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. you cite is my absolute favorite quote from him. Thanks again for your attention to this and other important matters. Keep up the good work !!

Leith

Thanks for bringing up this topic. It is so devastating to young children who never successfully overcome it. The young person in your story did. My own two sons now 22 and 19 both were bullied. My oldest was bullied in kindergarten. He was a big kid but a kind hearted one. Having beaten up bullies who beat up my younger brother as a child, I had great sympathy. I told him that as a lawyer, I could tell him that he has the right to hit back and defend himself. He worried that he’d be in trouble with teachers and the principal. I told him they can’t take away his right and he should have them call me. Those adults don’t understand bullying and often make it worse. If you involve authorities they can’t offer 24 hours protection. You child needs to learn to deal with them. Bullies tend to be cowards looking for victims who won’t fight back. You have to stand up for yourself. My younger son, experienced it in high school where he was being pushed as the bullies walked by. He was tearful and uncomprehending as he wished no one harm. It isn’t about that. You have to remove yourself as a victim. As a self defense exercise, I made both boys push me when I pushed them so that they would give themselves permission to defend themselves. It was only an exercise to give them practice. They needed to connect with their outrage at being violated. My oldest son was stunned when he hit the boy back that the boy never bothered him again. In fact, he became friendly with him. My youngest son got the same result. He even got a reputation as being rather strong. Both of their self esteem went up but more importantly, they learned they have the right not to be victims. They learned that it is the bully who is in the wrong and being unreasonable. It was with great sadness that I later learned that the boy who picked on my son in kindergarten came from a home where his father emotionally and physically abused him and in high school they young man had a mental break down. We can’t fix the bullies whose home life may be bad. We can teach our children how not to be victimized. I am not condoning violence. I am condoning self defense. Thanks for bringing this important topic up!

Ellen

I have to say if this was told 20 years ago it would be the dramatic simple inspiration that its meant to be… but in todays world I fear not…

I am not synical nor pessimistic normally, yet the social analyst forget to be all inclusive… and appreciate that in today’s world; tooting your horn at a driver that cut you off and clearly endangered you… may be the last thing you do…

I also don’t think that the very young, the largely co-multi-single-institutional-daycare-step-blended-community custodial children, should be taught and encouraged to handle discomfort,confrontation, and disrespect from their peers primarily independent of the nearest adults… this is what I witnessed in the K-3 level… and I thought to myself …
hmmmmmmm this doesn’t feel right to me…
I was raised in the 60s and it was OK to go to a parent, teacher or other adult when another child was being inapropriate… its highly discouraged today… it seems so contradictory when than as meer adolescents they want them to come to them with disturbing activity of their peers…

it confuses me and I am an adult…

all I can think is What are they thinking…

I so appreciate that I evidently was brought up being coddled,

gee what a thought to “coddle a child… what was society thinking back then?

and to spite that I evolved into a very

independent, productive adult member of society.

Sandra

Hasn’t anyone seen the movie, “Pay it forward” ?