I am the single mom of an eight-year-old girl. She recently had a friend over; that girl is nine. My dad was watching the girls while I was at work. When I came home, my daughter was in the pool and the other girl was inside on the computer. I reminded my daughter that I didn’t want to happen when friends are over. I went in to see the girl and she jumped up and away from the computer. I suggested both girls take showers before dinner and checked the history on the computer. The girl was looking at porn videos! I asked my daughter if she did this too and she said yes and started crying. Then I asked the other girl why she did this and how she knew where to look. She said she saw this on TV at her dad’s house (her parents are divorced).
I called the mom who in turn called the father who replied that he didn’t have time to talk about this. This little girl was also caught stealing from purses at a dance recital. I have repeatedly suggested to the mom that this little girl gets professional help, but I don’t think she will do anything about it.
The reason I have her around my daughter is that I hope she will see good influences, but now I am concerned about having my daughter around this bad influence.
My question to Parental Wisdom is I have great concern about this little girl. At what point does someone report to child welfare? I can only think that if she has such troubled behavior at age nine, what will happen when she is a pre-teen?
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Hello – I’m not sure if you can help provide advice or not to the below situation but if not, could you please suggest other resources where I might ask the same questions to gain some insight and advice? I’ve tried to make it brief but not sure it’s brief enough :)
I have just returned from a 9 day trip while my husband and 2 kids (12 and 15) stayed at home. Last night my daughter (15) and I were discussing a couple of recent instances where a couple of her close friends had gotten drunk (a very new situation) and she was giving me the details of the events and how she felt about the situation. Up to this point my daughter seems to have had a strong resolve not to drink and hasn’t particularly had a problem with saying no thanks when offered drugs or alcohol (her words, not mine). I asked her how that’s been working for her and told her I was proud of her for being so strong in her decisions. I then followed up and said to her “and you’ve never gotten drunk yourself?” Thankfully for me, my daughter still shares a lot of information with me and she proceeded to tell me the following story:
• While I was gone on my trip, she and a friend snuck out of the house (while my husband peacefully snored away) at 1am and went to another friends house who was having somewhat of a party (parents were home but they have a separate dwelling where the kids hang out).
• Kids at the party were drinking and she thought she’d try it for a change
• She had 2 beers (I’m guessing more than that or something else based on the remaining details) and proceeded to get absolutely smashed. She said she couldn’t walk, they video taped her doing super stupid stuff, she alternated between laying on the ground and falling over drunk, etc. Not a fun time she said.
• She said she needed to go home and just be at her own house and did manage to get home sometime around 6am (yes, my husband was still sleeping and didn’t notice). I asked her how she got home because my biggest message to my kids has always been NEVER get in the car with someone has been drinking. She said the person that drove her home was sober.
• Once home, she said she proceeded to throw up for hours and said she’s never felt so terrible in her entire life. One of her friends was with her who had had a similar experience not long ago and stood by and took care of her for the day. She said it was the most horrible experience of her life and she vowed then and there to never drink again (I wish!!).
• We talked about how some people could handle alcohol and some couldn’t and she was likely going to be one of those who couldn’t (she’s very petite) and that the effects on her would likely to result in the same type of experience. I told her that if she made the choice to do it again, she should just know that she’s probably one of those people who fall more in the category of making an ass of one’s self when drunk vs. being a fun/funny drunk and she needs to know that moving forward. Basically, if you want to drink, know you’re going to get stupid and likely do very stupid things so be prepared for the consequences of that. Net/net, it’s best that she not try drinking again.
• I told her I was proud of her for telling me the truth and thanked her for telling me.
So, long story short, here’s my questions that I would like to get some parental advice and insight on:
• Should we instill some punishment because of these events (sneaking out, getting drunk) even though she was honest with me and told me the story? My inclination is to say no because I don’t want to punish honesty, but at the same time, I don’t know that just talking about these events is the right course of action.
• If punishment is the right thing to do, what do you suggest?
• Should I contact the parents of the party (I know they were home, my daughter is good friends with the girl but I’m not overly close to the parents) to let them know what happened? I know my daughter would vehemently revolt at that decision because there would be repercussions and it would likely result in her not telling me things moving forward. Is the risk worth it?
• How should I handle the situation with my husband? He knows nothing about the incident and my daughter said I could tell him the story but not tell him when it happened (she liked having more freedom when I was gone – I’m the one that’s always talking to the parents, checking in, etc – though we see where that freedom got her). I do want to share the situation with him and though I’m mad this happened while I was gone, it could have easily happened while I was here.
Any advice or insight you could provide would be fabulous as I’m sure there are millions of other parents out there needing the same advice. Thanks so much for your time.
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My 17 month started hitting herself from last 2 months. If I say no she starts slapping her on legs or tummy. If she is angry she does same. Sometimes while drinking bottle milk, she is calm but hits on her head...I don't understand why she is getting used to slapping.
Is this normal behaviour? It's disturbing me at least... Is this is not normal, what should I do to get rid of this habbit.
Thanks in advance.
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My son who has know just turned 5 has still been having accidents on the potty. I recently made him a chart and it has been helping.
Now his preschool teacher has suggested he might have ADD. Now I am analyzing his every move and in worry that he does have it. He still acts like a toddler and gets into things. Also he does well with puzzles and playing by himself which I heard is also a red flag. I always thought he was just active like my older son who also doesn't sit still.
How do I know if this is just his personality or I need to have him check out for ADD.
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I am divorced for a short while, after being separated for several years. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells "I hate you" and even curses at me even in public. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine.
My problem is that I have no control over discipline. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to me, let alone a parent. But since she doesn't live with me, her mother is the disciplinarian and always with my daughter. And I don't believe that my daughter speaks to her mother or anyone else the way she talks to me.
I love my daughter, but I can't let anyone, especially not my own child, speak to me in such a terrible way. When I can pick the kids up, she never wants to come, but the boys and I have a good time together.
I don't know what to do.
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