Dad’s don’t usually ask for directions

On Father’s Day we celebrate men who never thought they would enjoy changing diapers and hosting tea parties donning straw hats and feather boas.  They are the father’s who choose to be dads, and they wouldn’t change a thing.

When I started the Parental Wisdom® concept a number of years ago, everyone assumed we would hear from moms.  But I’m happy to tell you that a large number of questions come from fathers; some that will break your heart such as this…

I am divorced for a short while, after being separated for several years. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells “I hate you” and even curses at me even in public. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine. My problem is that I have no control over discipline. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to me, let alone a parent. But since she doesn’t live with me, her mother is the disciplinarian and always with my daughter. And I don’t believe that my daughter speaks to her mother or anyone else the way she talks to me. I love my daughter, but I can’t let anyone, especially not my own child, speak to me in such a terrible way. When I can pick the kids up, she never wants to come, but the boys and I have a good time together. I don’t know what to do.

To see the answers from Parental Wisdom’s expert advisers, click here

To all moms: today, as we celebrate Father’s Day, whether you are married to children’s  father or not, please remember that he is the father of your children.  Keep the ties, teach and encourage respect, and remember each father has the right to be a dad.

p.s. Thanks to Dr. Vicki for the terrific subject line.

4 years: My Daddy can do anything!
7 years: My Dad knows a lot…a whole lot.
8 years: My father does not know quite everything.
12 years: Oh well, naturally Father does not know that either.
14 years: Oh, Father? He is hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man-he is out of date!
25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.
30 years: I must find out what Dad thinks about it.
35 years: Before we decide, we will get Dad’s idea first.
50 years: What would Dad have thought about that?
60 years: My Dad knew literally everything!
65 years: I wish I could talk it over with Dad once more.

3 Responses to “Dad’s don’t usually ask for directions”

  1. this post is very usefull thx!

  2. Andy says:

    I love the Anonymous “timeline” (I think). With a 3 year old daughter and a 6 month old son, I’m enjoying the role of omniscient, omnipotent, Super Dad; but it looks like I might lose some of my powers around year 8 (sigh).

    I recently burried my mother after a lenthy battle with COPD. We were very close (always). When I was less than a year old, she divorced my father and began a lifelong journey of sacrificing everything for me. Near the end, I asked her to tell me about her relationship with my father. Throughout my life she only spoke kindly of my father; always encouraging me to make the effort to have a relationship with him. I did just that, and I’m grateful because I recently burried my father too.

    What I learned from my mother (after pleading for the truth) is that my father wasn’t always good to her. There were times when his temper would get the better of him. There were long periods of time when he wouldn’t pay child support. He was full of shortcomings (which I learned about first hand over the years). I guess what I’m saying is that she could have prevented the bond I had with my father from ever happening, but she chose not to; and I love and respect her dearly for making that decision. Happy Father’s Day…

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