Archive for the ‘College Age’ Category

You graduated, now what?

Sunday, June 1st, 2014

“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advise them to do it.”

– Harry S. Truman 33rd President

If you are celebrating high school or college graduations this season, it probably feels like you just dropped them off at kindergarten, you blinked, and here you are.

College kids have to be pulled away from their cushy, carefree, totally unrealistic existence to the real world.  Some have secured jobs, many have not, and a very small percentage will be lucky enough to do the work they love.

High school graduates are excited about prom, parties and the pressure being off. They’ll shop for their dorm rooms, connect with their roommates, and in late August kiss their weeping parents goodbye. For these kids, it’s an escape from the endless parade of adults asking three questions since the start of their junior year:

  1.  What colleges will you apply to
  2. What major are you considering
  3. What do you want to do for the rest of your life

With more career choices than ever before, it’s difficult for anyone to figure out, let alone a 16-year-old with limited life experience.  As parents, we want our children to do what they love.

 That is a tall order, which is why I started the Project Imagine!® seminar – to help kids and parents work together to answer the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

 There are a few good things to call out about this webinar:

  1. Since it is a webinar, you can participate from the comfort of your home
  2. It opens the dialog for an honest discussion about choices
  3. There is no single right answer, so it is not a test. Everything depends on the individual and what is important to them.
  4. The ‘homework’ involves the child asking others about what they see.  This is an eye opening and helpful discussion since the child is pleasantly surprised to hear what others (teachers, family, and friends) see as their strengths; great for their self-esteem.
  5. The best part is that it becomes a new connection between parents and kids as you explore and learn about new careers together.

We tell our kids they can do anything they want to do.  Let’s help them actually get there!

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? “ -Marianne Williamson

To learn about the webinar, click here

To register, click here.

 The summer is the best time for this!

 Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

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If everyone gets trophies then trophies become meaningless

Sunday, June 10th, 2012

 

This time of year, there are many commencement speeches, in fact no fewer than 37,000 which is the number of high schools alone in the U.S.  

But the speech by Wellesley High English teacher David McCullough Jr. is blunt and honest because he told students they “are not special.”

Here is a brief exerpt from his speech:

“Across the country no fewer than 3.2 million seniors are graduating about now from more than 37,000 high schools. That’s 37,000 valedictorians … 37,000 class presidents … 92,000 harmonizing altos … 340,000 swaggering jocks … 2,185,967 pairs of Uggs,” he said.

He added: “Even if you’re one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you.”

McCullough makes a statement on parents who overdo it in a modern society focused on collecting achievements. “You’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble wrapped … feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie.” But he adds in a video on Wellesley Channel TV YouTube page, “You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless. … We have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement.”

The point is that learning is wonderful, mistakes happen and experience makes you stronger.  All time is borrowed so make the most of it.  Work backwards as to how you would want people to talk about you in this short time we call life. 

You Only Live Once, but as the speaker says, that doesn’t mean you have to get YOLO as a tattoo. 

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

 

It’s a bird; it’s a plane, it’s a helicopter parent

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

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Helicopter Parent: “A mom or dad who hovers over his or her children.”

In case you haven’t heard the term, “Helicopter Parents,” are always hovering–always helping–always rescuing–and always involved.

These are the parents who micromanage their kids’ play dates, science fair projects, and soccer game tournaments.

In high school they drive the teachers batty by hovering in at the first sign of a bad grade, making sure their kid’s schedule was stellar (with only the very best teachers), and writing those college entrance essays.

In college they are first on the scene setting up their kid’s dorm room (and complaining if the roommate wasn’t the perfect fit), and even calling the university president to complain about an unfair grade. Cell phones and e-mail have created umbilical bonds that are difficult to cut.

Well, now the kiddies have graduated and they are entering the workforce in mass numbers. It seems these parents are still hovering, but from all indications, their presence is now up a level — think “Black Hawk” mode. According to major businesses from coast to coast these parents are actually attending their kids job
fairs and interviews, negotiating salaries and benefit packages for their children and even demanding that the business call to let them know if their offspring got the job. And businesses are scratching their heads. What do we do with these parents?

Many are actually changing their long-standing practices to send notices of hiring intent to the parents as well as the kids.

This is over-the-top parenting. This isn’t mentoring but meddlesome, and it can rob kids of the self-reliance they need at this point in their grown-up lives. What can these kids fall back on if they have no internal resources of learning and failing because parents protected them from any ever experiencing failure?

Ask yourself a question before you jump in to save your child. What is the worst thing that can happen if you don’t step in?

If there was such a thing as a parent’s job description, it would probably say that we should raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted, independent children that contribute to society. Don’t wait till your child is twenty to celebrate Independence Day. Even very young children can and should have chores.

Though well-intentioned, the self-esteem movement of the last twenty years is what many believe to be the cause with the lack of self reliance many ‘twenty-somethings’ now face. Interestingly, that movement
started about the same time you would see those annoying ‘Baby on Board’ signs on cars.

It’s actually very simple. If you want your child to have self esteem, give them responsibilities. Begin when they are little with simple chores, and continue on as they get older.

Visit Parental Wisdom – Free Reports, and get a copy of the Chore Chart Ideas for a few ideas; add your own creativity. For example, if you want a four-year-old to pull up his bed covers every morning, take a few digital pictures of each step in the process and label the pictures with a big #1, #2 and #3 for each step. Leave it on a small poster so he will know and remember what to do. That will make your child feel good about his achievements and he is more likely to take on more responsibility.

This is one of the best ways to communicate with, and stay connected to your child.
Great way to avoid all the helicopter traffic.

How Do You Mail a Hug to Your College Kid?

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

college

Living away from home for the first time presents many challenges to your college age child. They believe this is independence, but we know it is a baby step. Hopefully they’ve done their own laundry at least once.

As your college child approaches first semester finals, why not send them a long distance hug, aka healthy food snacks.

Check to see if your school has care packages ready to send or try some of these sites. Remember, they still need to hear from us even if we don’t often hear from them.

Sealed with a Kiss

From Mom.com

Hip Kits

Don’t you want to be an accountant?

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

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“Consider a career you may have never imagined,” and the discussion begins. Corporations such as Deloitte are reaching out to high schools to persuade students to join their ranks. Their objective is to convey the benefits of working with sponsor companies. They do this by drafting curricula, lesson plans and equipment with the hope of creating a pipeline of workers far into the future.

Businesses are now influencing schools in a way that is much different than when businesses simply wanted students to become customers. This is in response to a fearful shortage of workers from the coming labor force.

Some are worried about a commercial agenda influencing schools, and the potential loss of creativity and entrepreneurial spirit.

On the plus side, students that may not have any idea what to do with their life, may get on an ‘express line’ to a career. It can also finally answer the age old question kids have when learning math and science, “When will I ever use this?”

Capitalizing on teachable moments

Monday, March 17th, 2008

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A good reputation is more valuable than money.
– Publilius Syrus 100 BC Maxims

In the midst of our incredibly busy days, parents search for something called quality time. But time is time, and each week we are given exactly 10,080 minutes; no more, no less. Time is the great equalizer – it doesn’t matter how much or how little money you have.

How we spend that time is what matters. Interestingly, we often spend time in things we can document, quantify or measure, such as activities like sports, school, chores, and work. But what matters more are the things you can’t measure, such as the impact of teachable moments. We need to look at those opportunities as gifts and capitalize on them.

Thank you Former Governor Spitzer. Thank you for giving us the opportunity the explain to our children the difference between little and big mistakes. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to ask our children a simple but very important question,

“What do you think your reputation is worth?”

Since we are surrounded by popular culture, what used to be considered infamous is now immediately considered famous. We are in the parenting fight of our lives and need to find opportunities to reinforce our values despite the world’s perceptions of values imploding around us.

The young woman in the Spitzer case stands to make millions from the publicity. Again, discuss with your children what her reputation is really worth? A new show called Moment of Truth offers large money prizes for true answers. Unless you’ve lead a Mother Teresa-like existence, I would suggest not trading your reputation and family embarrassment for dollars.

Despite your best attempts, you can’t be around your children all the time, so the next best thing is to make sure they are thinking before they act. No doubt they will make mistakes, but have discussions that reinforce the values you want to instill so you can at least minimize that possibility. I know you think children sometimes don’t listen, but they do. After all, if we didn’t listen, how could you explain that when we grow up we all sound just like our mothers or fathers.

As you end your discussion, put this seed in your child’s head;

“Before you do something – think, would you be proud or embarrassed for us to learn about it?”

That will tell them all they need to know.

Just a Blip on the Screen

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

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I’m always talking to parents, and inevitably there are frustrations that come with the territory. One mom was frustrated about toilet training, another about a child not helping around the house, while another was tired of the constant mess.

As our children get older, we see a bright future, and they may decide that our vision is not theirs. Parents want college for their kids, because as one dad told me, “The only thing more expensive than a college education is not having one.”

And then our children may decide it is not for them. They would rather backpack across Europe, play the guitar or learn a trade. Major disappointment and embarrassment for parents.

No different than the frustrations of the parents of younger children, just a later time. But if you’re really smart, you’ll understand that it is just a blip on the screen. The important thing is the relationship you have with your child.

We don’t remember days, we remember memories. Make sure the ones you’re building are not filled with hostility

 

Benefits of Adderall Alternatives

Using non-prescription alternatives for enhancing focus offers several benefits over using Adderall:

Safety: Unlike prescription medications like Adderall, these alternatives are generally considered safer due to their natural ingredients.

No Prescription Required: You can purchase these alternatives without needing a prescription from a healthcare professional.

Reduced Side Effects: While Adderall may cause side effects such as insomnia or loss of appetite, many alternative options have fewer or milder side effects.

Long-Term Use: Alternative options can be used for extended periods without the risk of dependency or addiction associated with stimulant medications.

Improving Focus and Mental Clarity

In addition to using cognitive enhancers, there are other ways to improve focus and mental clarity without relying on Adderall:

Establish a Routine: Creating a structured daily routine can help minimize distractions and promote better focus.

Practice Mindfulness: Engaging in mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help calm the mind and improve concentration.

Get Enough Sleep: A well-rested brain is more alert and focused. Aim for seven to eight hours of quality sleep each night.

Stay Hydrated: Dehydration can lead to brain fog and decreased cognitive function. Drink plenty of water throughout the day to stay mentally sharp.

By exploring these non-prescription alternatives and implementing healthy habits, you can enhance your focus and concentration without the use of Adderall. Remember that everyone’s response may vary, so it’s essential to find what works best for you.

Boosting Concentration: Nonstimulant Alternatives to Adderall

If you’re looking for ways to enhance your concentration without relying on stimulant medications like Adderall, there are several non-stimulant options worth exploring. These alternatives can help boost your focus and cognitive performance without the side effects or addictive properties of stimulants. Let’s dive in and discover some effective choices that promote better concentration naturally.

Nootropic Supplements: Unlocking Cognitive Benefits

Nootropic supplements, also known as “smart drugs,” have gained popularity for their ability to enhance cognitive function. Unlike stimulants, these supplements work by targeting specific neurotransmitters in the brain to improve focus and concentration. Here are a few nootropic options that can help you stay sharp:

Citicoline: This compound is crucial for brain health as it supports the production of acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter involved in learning and memory retention. By increasing acetylcholine levels, citicoline can improve attention span and mental clarity.

Pterostilbene: Found in blueberries and grapes, pterostilbene is a natural compound with antioxidant properties. It has been shown to enhance cognitive function by promoting neuroplasticity, which allows the brain to adapt and form new connections more efficiently.

Medications: Non-Stimulant Options

If you’re seeking pharmaceutical adderall alternatives for adults that don’t rely on stimulants, there are a couple of medications worth considering:

Atomoxetine: Approved by the FDA for treating attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), atomoxetine works by increasing norepinephrine levels in the brain. This neurotransmitter plays a crucial role in regulating attention and focus.

Clonidine: Originally used as an antihypertensive medication, clonidine has also shown promise in managing ADHD symptoms. It works by stimulating alpha-2 adrenergic receptors, which helps regulate norepinephrine activity and improve focus.

Natural Methods: Enhancing Concentration Holistically

If you prefer to take a more natural approach to improving concentration, there are lifestyle changes and habits you can adopt:

Get enough sleep: A good night’s sleep is essential for optimal cognitive function. Lack of sleep can impair attention and make it challenging to concentrate. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night.

Exercise regularly: Physical activity has been shown to have numerous cognitive benefits, including improved focus and mental clarity. Engage in activities like jogging, swimming, or yoga to boost brain health.

Reduce caffeine intake: While caffeine can provide a temporary energy boost, excessive consumption may lead to jitteriness and difficulty concentrating. Limit your intake of coffee, tea, energy drinks, and other caffeinated beverages.

Conversation anyone?

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

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The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University has launched a parenting forum to engage parents in conversation about how to raise drug- and alcohol-free children.

Casa has given parents a method of approaching the important conversation of substance abuse prevention. When I have spoken with my own children about local abuse prevention programs, they didn’t think the programs were very effective. The large number of middle and high school students that are abusing drugs and alcohol would prove that point.

The best prevention is home, where good behavior is modeled and bad behavior, as often illustrated by popular culture and young Hollywood, is a great opportunity for a dialog on what not to do. Since we’re often uncertain how and when to start these conversations, Casa offers some great ideas.

The best times to talk are obvious; well before the problem begins.

Relying On Your Own Instincts

Monday, November 12th, 2007

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I’ve always felt that there is a lot that business and parenting have in common, but at the top of the list is a tremendous reliance on instincts supported by good information.

This realization started for me when my kids were little and the experts said that they should cry it out when they went to sleep. That didn’t quite sit right with me. Not knowing any better, we let the kids sleep on our floor. The unspoken message was, ‘we not shutting the door on you, we’re always here for you.’

I suppose our problem is that we often look at things in black and white, when most are a bright shade of grey. The case of helicopter parenting is looked on as parenting having a long distance umbilical cord – I even wrote about this! But in reality, perhaps the difference between excessive hovering and parenting is simply about being there when needed.

Seems pretty black and white to me.

So You Want to Save the World?

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

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One of the most beautiful compensations of this life is that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

There’s a story you may have heard about David & Goliath. In case you’re unfamiliar, the story is set in biblical times where a giant one eyed-giant Cyclops named Goliath terrorizes a small town. All the warriors in the town tried to fight him and were quickly defeated. A young boy named David, armed only with a slingshot, volunteered to fight the giant. The townspeople looked at the brave young boy and said, “Look at the size of the giant and look at you, how could you possibly win?” David had a very different point of view. He said, “Yes, look at him. How could I possibly miss?”

That story is a myth. A myth by definition is an invented story, idea, or concept. But in reality mythical situations happen all the time. A single person can make a significant difference. What a wonderful lesson for our children, and a great time to discuss it.

Saturday, October 27, 2007 is Make a Difference Day, the largest national day of helping others – a celebration of neighbors helping neighbors. Everyone can participate in this USA Today sponsored event.

The good news is that our kids want to help. Toddlers, according to Psychology researcher Felix Warneken proved the capacity for altruism emerges as early as 18 months of age with a simple experiment. 61% of 13- to 25-year-olds feel personally responsible for making a difference in the world suggests a survey of 1,800 young people. It says 81% have volunteered in the past year; 69% consider a company’s social and environmental commitment when deciding where to shop, and 83% will trust a company more if it is socially/environmentally responsible. The online study — by two Boston-based companies, Cone Inc. and AMP Insights — suggests these millennials are “the most socially conscious consumers to date.”

What great news. Need an idea?

Here are two:

The Idea Generator

The Future of Life Organzation

Talk about family fun!