Archive for October, 2010

Today our reality is on TV and our friendships are virtual

Monday, October 25th, 2010


Curious…if necessity is the mother of invention, did social networking come about because we inhibited our children’s ability to make friends?

Think about it…

We were told we were bad mothers if our children played outside; after all they could be abducted.  So they played inside and were entertained by TV and videos which brought the rise of electronic toys.

We were scorned if our children walked to school for the same reason. We arranged playdates so our children could play with the children of parents that were like us.

When children came over to play, they only knew how to play electronically, so that’s what they did.  There was little experience grabbing a ball and playing outside, or getting friends together for a pick-up game.

My daughter, now a college senior, and I discussed the idea of making friends in today’s society.  “Mom, I don’t think we had the same opportunities to make friends as you and dad did.”

Over the years we told stories of how we grew up, and she smiled as if our stories were fantasy.  Growing up in an urban area, there were at least 50 kids on the block.  We went out to play early in the morning and came in for dinner.  Games were invented on the fly, leaders rose to the occasion, and friendships were formed.

Parents didn’t step in when friends squabbled; kids figured out how to work things out.  You learned by your mistakes that you shouldn’t share a secret because then it was no longer a secret.  Since we weren’t overwhelmed with activities, we actually had time for friends.

Facebook vs. Facetime

I am not suggesting that we should reset the clock because technology brings many good things.  There are ways to stay connected to friends that move away and share moments in our lives that are meaningful.

There are also ways to connect with people that have similar interests and causes which make it easier as Ghandi suggests, to be the change you want to see in the world.

Connections are not friends.  You first have to make friends.

This is an exerpt of a collaborative work by Parental Wisdom® advisors that will be given away as an e-book to members. Become a member to receive your copy of:

Tomorrow’s Adult: Who You Always Dreamed Your Child Would Be.

p.s. You may also want to tell your friends to sign up.

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

How disasters help us to achieve the impossible

Sunday, October 17th, 2010


Hope is a waking dream.

- Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC)

The world watched as the Chilean miners were pulled up one by one.  For the first time, in a long time, we were united in hope.

But we also learned to:

  1. Understand the real problem
  2. Create a sense of urgency to resolve it
  3. Gather experts if needed to help
  4. Spare no expense; take no shortcuts
  5. Keep everyone informed
  6. Test the solution
  7. Pay it forward – President Pinera has offered to help China with their mining disaster

The miners’ survival of the ordeal provided a worldwide lesson on the strength of human resilience as 33 men were trapped 2,000 feet underground for more than two months. Chilean President Sebastian Pinera demonstrated remarkable leadership skills in a crisis.

Hopefully, an additional lesson is to improve the dangerous conditions existing in mines.

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Positive Pushing Audio Workshop

Sunday, October 10th, 2010

We are at that point in the school year where a familiar argument can be overheard.  It usually follows your eight minute parent-teacher conference where you are told that your child is very bright, but not working to his potential.

“You’re pushing him.”

“No, I’m not, you’re babying him and he won’t learn to be accountable and responsible for his work.”

“You set the expectations, and now you expect him to reach them.  What if he can’t?”

“And what if he can, but you’re just allowing him to be lazy?”

This free audio workshop by Dr. Jim Taylor is one of the best discussions I’ve heard on this topic.  I suggest that if you are having this discussion, you both listen.

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

You’ve got to be carefully taught

Sunday, October 3rd, 2010

You’ve got to be carefully taught

-from the1949 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical South Pacific

There is a connection about two stories coming from New Jersey recently; both interestingly, relate to Facebook.

On technology’s positive side, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg donates $100 million dollars to Newark schools.  Weeks later, the Facebook status of Rutgers Freshman Tyler Clementi’s is “jumping off the bridge sorry.”

Adolescent brains cannot possibly evolve as quickly as the technology at their fingertips.  They don’t understand the power though they marvel at the audience reach.

Both stories tie back to parents and what is taught at home.

The Newark school system presently spends $24,000 a year per student, yet only one in two graduate high school.   By adding $100 million are we throwing money at the wrong problem?  The best teachers and state of the art technology in the classrooms cannot offset what happens at home if a child’s education is not made a priority and reinforced.

In the case of Rutgers’s cyber cruelty, Dharun Ravi or Molly Wei could not have imagined a tragedy like this, but what was their intention, to be funny or to entertain?  Compared to the failing Newark school system, these students both had terrific grades and SAT scores indicating that education was indeed important at home.  But how do they measure up in other qualities, such as tolerance, understanding and empathy?

The unwritten rule of parenting is that you don’t talk about someone’s child because you are really talking about someone’s parenting.  I get that, and the fact that parents can’t be everywhere, and anybody’s child is potentially going to make mistakes.

But there are answers if you take the time to understand the real problem.

One place to help understand the real problem is Parental Wisdom® which offers something you can’t get anywhere else.  Multiple expert responses to parenting questions so you can choose the best solution for your unique child and situation.  When you are present as a parent and notice something wrong, the time to correct it is before it unravels out of control.

Our advisors donate their time and talent to respond to parents’ questions.  We are writing a collaborative book to help parents focus on the kind of person they want to raise.  Parental Wisdom® members will receive a free copy of this e-book that offers a proactive approach to raising a person you would love to meet.

For the present problem, here are a few solutions that can help you and your child deal with cyber-bullying, whether they are the victim or the bully, and to help you as a parent understand this frightening new world.

Jill Brown – It’s My Locker

Barbara Gilmour – Cool Kind Kid

Naomi Drew – Learning Peace author of No Kidding About Bullying

We are evaluating all these works for the Good ParentingCM Seal.  Please complete the contact us form if you would like to participate in the evaluation (you must be a member), and be sure to enter your phone number and time zone.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. -Mother Teresa

Have a great week, and be sure to talk with your children about this important topic

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®