Parental Wisdom® by Tina Nocera

If Momma’s Not Happy…Nobody’s Happy

February 15th, 2010

To my friends at Melandre…

Who knew there was such a wonderful oasis practically in my backyard! I just experienced Sulis, a magnificent new day spa.

The first thing I noticed was the lovely and relaxing décor; the attention to detail and touches makes it very easy to forget you are still in Nutley!

From the luxurious robes to the warm colors and accents including herbal teas, the tranquility room, and soothing shower create a wonderful retreat from work and children.

Then of course, I had my superb facial with Collette which was the best part of all. I rarely blog about personal experiences, but I had to write about this one.

Hope the title helps husbands or boyfriends understand the reference which should translate to gift cards!

Good luck to you and your staff on this brilliant addition to an already outstanding salon.

Posted in Stress | 1 Comment »

Through rain or sleet or snow…

February 10th, 2010

Despite inclement weather, I can count on getting my mail. This reminds me of the quote made famous by Woody Allen, “80% of success is showing up.”

But is it?

I get my mail, but I also get everyone else’s mail and assume they get mine as well.

No, it isn’t enough to show up – you have to get it right.

In parenting, it’s not just about being there; it’s about being present which is very different from just being there.

Are you engaged in discussion?
Are you interested?
Are you having fun…yet?

When your children grow up, what kind of home will they say you had?

Are you the yellers?
Are you the ignorers?
Are you not there at all?
Are you the fun family?

A country has a flag; and a company has a mission statement. What will they say about your home? You get to choose the kind of family you are.

How about we all make snow angels and have a cup of cocoa?

Have a great day!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Helping Families, Time | 32 Comments »

Too much reliance on my GPS

February 4th, 2010

I’ve been used to my GPS constantly correcting me and requesting that I make a legal U-turn when possible; but the other day it simply didn’t work. There I was, left to fend for myself.

Quite frankly I am directionally challenged, and not able to look at a map and figure out where I am or where I’m headed. At that point I realized how much dependency I put on the GPS, and now it failed me. In reality I failed myself by not having enough of a foundation to figure things out. I realized that without the GPS, I was lost.

There isn’t any difference in the world of parenting. Our job is to give our children a good foundation, but it’s the confidence they build in handling situations that creates one of life’s most important characteristics; self reliance. Much like me without the GPS, your children will be lost without self-reliance.

Think about how we teach children to ride a two-wheeler. You put the training wheels on and then kept loosening them up little by little until they are confident enough to take the ride without any training wheels at all.

p.s. Great hint – -when you’re running along side the bike, it’s a great idea for you to be in roller blades. It makes the job so much easier! Another tip is using the Wisper Bikes have a fantastic range of electric bicycles.

Here are some ways to make sure that you’re heading in the right direction in teaching self-reliance (no pun intended):

Let the kids make some decisions as early as possible. So what if they’re wearing stripes and polka-dots?
Demonstrate that you are always solving little problems and learning along the way. Aren’t you? After all, who figured out how to install the new TV?
Move from being ‘the all wise and powerful’ mom or dad to a coach. Tell them less about how they should do something, and instead raise questions they could answer for themselves. “Why do you think your friends responded that way?”
Be a great support system. They might need your encouragement to try again, or a little harder, or in taking a slightly different approach. If they come to you for permission to give up, don’t make it so easy for them.
Responsibilities are very important for building self reliance. Even with very young children, assign chores that make them part of a family that works together. For example, for a child as young as age 3, take digital pictures of them making their bed; 1) put the pillow in place, 2) smooth the sheets and lift the blankets, and 3) lift and smooth out the comforter. Laminate the pictures and put them near the bed so they can see how well they did.

Reminder – – We’re getting ready to test a newsletter that will be mailed to your home. In order to receive this newsletter, please be certain that you are registered as a Parental Wisdom® member with a full and complete mailing address.

If you’re just signed up with an email account, we won’t have your address so we can’t mail it to you. Here is the link to sign up, and don’t forget to share this with your friends.

Posted in Helping Families, Parenting 101, Responsibility, Self Esteem, Self Reliance | 17 Comments »

TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT THE HAITI DISASTER

January 31st, 2010

From Dr. Vicki Panaccione

Kids are being bombarded with disasters on a regular basis. Whether it’s war, tornadoes, hurricanes, wildfires, terrorist bombings and now the earthquake in Haiti, it seems that there is always something horrific happening in the world. And, as you find it difficult to process what’s going on around us, imagine what your kids are experiencing.

There is exposure everywhere…on TV, radio, newspapers, internet and in the classrooms. So, the question becomes: What do I tell my kids? Kids will react differently and harbor different concerns depending upon their own developmental stage, temperament and personality. Understanding your own kids’ mindset will help you decide how much to say and what to do. Obviously, different age kids will require different depths of information.

Toddlers do not understand what’s going on. You may tend to project your feelings onto them and be concerned about their feelings. However, they are oblivious, unless they feel emotional cues from you. If mommy or daddy appears to be frightened, grief-stricken or overly-emotional, toddlers may temporarily appear that way as well, because you are upset.
Preschoolers are able to understand the basics of what is occurring, yet don’t really have emotional connections to the events. Again, they tend to pick up your emotional cues. So, avoid displays of fear and grief in front of them, and they won’t feel any effect of the tragedy.
School-aged kids do begin to understand and are more likely to be exposed to the events. They may become anxious, experiencing fears of personal safety. These youngsters want to know, “Can this happen here?” “What will happen to me?” Provide lots of reassurance. If you don’t live in an earthquake zone, the possibility can be easily negated. If, however, you do live in an area of earthquake possibility, explanations can be made about the preparedness of the city, the better construction of the buildings, etc. Don’t tell your kids that it can’t happen, if indeed, the possibility exists. Let them know how you are prepared, and discuss plans for evacuation, etc. • Older kids may struggle with the spiritual and humanitarian issues, dealing with the loss of human life and the confusion of their God allowing this to happen. These kids need to be allowed to vent, and listened to…just listen. Allow them to have their feelings, even if it’s anger toward their God. It is fine to share your similar concerns, and discuss ways that you can be of service to the people in distress.

Here are some ways to help:

First of all, remain calm. Remember your reactions will be signals to your kids. Take care of your own needs, so that you can be more available to tend to your kids’ needs. • Keep news exposure to a minimum. While it’s tempting to stay transfixed to the TV, kids do not need to be bombarded with the gory details and horrific photos. This will help prevent emotional overload. However, don’t stick your head in the sand…kids are being exposed to the story almost everywhere.
Give your kids current information in language they can understand to alleviate misinterpretations. Do not try to shelter younger kids; they are picking up information and/or sensing parental concerns. However, answer their questions without elaboration. Don’t overload them with information beyond their emotional level to process.
Allow your kids to join in discussions and encourage questions and expressions of opinion. If they are watching TV or reading the news, help them process incoming information by discussing and “debriefing.” Ask questions and explore kids’ understanding and perspective.
Attend not only to their questions, but also to their behavior. Kids cannot always identify their stressors or relate their behavior to a particular stressor. Be aware of any significant change in behavior or personality, increase in somatic complaints (headaches, stomachaches, etc.), nervous habits, crying, nightmares, excessive clinging, etc.
Anticipate some regressive or acting-out behaviors; do not be overly concerned or critical. Recognize them as possible signs of stress. Some kids may display younger behaviors such as thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, tantrums. Academic performance may suffer; withdrawal from social activities may be noted. Provide reassurance and unconditional love.
Allay fears. Be sure kids know they are safe. Use visual aids (i.e.-globe, map) to convey the distance between your kids and the disaster. If there are family members away from home, be sure that their locations are noted, as well. • Allow time for play. Play is one of the most important channels kids have for dealing with stress and mastering their anxieties. Taking the role of an aggressor increases their feelings of control over their world. Younger kids may also find it easier to express their feelings through drawings.
Give your kids lots of physical affection. Allow them to be more dependent upon you during this time of stress. Kids need comfort and reassurance even more when stressed.
Encourage your kids to get involved. Taking action can alleviate feelings of helplessness and anger. Participation can range from praying, sending care packages, donating money, clothes and toiletries to the Red Cross. Find out what your local religious institution or community is doing to help with the recovery and get involved.
Seek professional help. If you see your kids becoming overly anxious, or behaviorally affected, and are at a loss as to how to deal with these issues, call your pediatrician or seek the services of a child psychologist.

Dr. Vicki is available to answer your personal questions regarding this matter. Contact her through: www.BetterParentingInstitute.com

Tags: Haiti
Posted in Empathy, Helping Families, Parenting 101, Social Conscious | 104 Comments »

New Year’s Resolution – To Stop Reading Email

January 3rd, 2010

“I am still learning.” – Michelangelo

Happy New Year!

Hopefully, as Michelangelo suggests, we are all still learning.

From a personal perspective this year, I learned an incredibly valuable lesson as I often do, from my children. That lesson was what we wish for our children may not be their wish. Though we want their good health and happiness; we need to realize that happiness has to be on their terms, not ours.

From a professional standpoint, the past year brought a myriad of new ways to socially networking with old and new friends. Or did it?

I think all the information overload and news, whether mundane or newsworthy gets lost in the sheer volume of it all.

1. If you send a holiday card to undisclosed recipients (and I’m on that list) I don’t feel all that special.

2. If I receive emails that require I pass it on to eight friends in the next ten minutes or terrible ills will come upon me, I am able to dismiss it and still make it to dinner.

3. And as important as your email message might be, whatever the subject, the bottom line is that nobody cares about your ‘stuff’ as much as you do.

This is largely due to the fact that there is too much going on. For the New Year and new decade, I’m choosing to take a step back or perhaps sideways.

Just as the holidays brought cards and pictures to my mailbox, which were more meaningful than email good wishes, the email newsletter you receive from me will come to your mailbox. Yes, I mean snail mail. We’re going to test this with a February newsletter on a topic you will really be interested in – raising socially conscious children.

In order to receive this newsletter, please be certain that you are registered as a Parental Wisdom® member with a full and complete mailing address.

• If you’re just signed up with an email account, we won’t have your address so we can’t mail it to you. Here is the link

• If you have found the information from Parental Wisdom helpful, then be sure to send a note to your friends. Please note, see point 2 above and don’t warn them about terrible things happening to them if they choose not to join. They’ll be fine.

This is one of a number of enhancements you’ll see this coming year. I look forward to our on-going conversations, and very soon you’ll see how we’ll be enhancing our ability to have real conversations as well.

If you are new to Parental Wisdom listen here

The very best to you and your family!

Tina Nocera, Founder
Parental Wisdom®

Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Helping Families | 59 Comments »

10 Must-Have Summer Dresses for 2024: Trends to Elevate Your Wardrobe

December 19th, 2009

Summer 2024 is just around the corner, and it’s time to refresh your wardrobe with the hottest dress trends of the season. Whether you’re heading to the beach, a brunch date, or a summer soirée, these 10 must-have summer dresses for women will have you turning heads everywhere you go. From vibrant prints to chic silhouettes, we’ve got you covered with the latest styles that will keep you cool and stylish all season long.
1. The Bold Floral Maxi Dress

Floral prints are a summer staple, but in 2024, they’re getting a bold makeover. Think oversized blooms in vibrant colors that make a statement. A bold floral maxi dress is perfect for those sunny days when you want to feel effortlessly chic. Pair it with strappy sandals and a wide-brimmed hat for a boho vibe, or dress it up with wedges and gold accessories for a more polished look.

Styling Tip: Opt for a dress with a flattering A-line silhouette that cinches at the waist to accentuate your figure. A deep V-neckline adds a touch of elegance while keeping the look breezy.
2. The Sheer Delight

Transparency is in! Sheer dresses are making waves this summer, adding a touch of allure to your wardrobe. Whether it’s a fully sheer overlay or just subtle sheer panels, this trend is all about showing just the right amount of skin. Look for dresses in lightweight fabrics like chiffon or organza, which allow for a graceful flow as you move.

Styling Tip: Layer your sheer dress over a matching slip or a contrasting bralette and shorts for a more daring look. Keep accessories minimal to let the sheer fabric be the star of your outfit.
3. The Retro Polka Dot Dress

Polka dots are back, and they’re bigger and bolder than ever. This playful print is perfect for adding a touch of vintage charm to your summer wardrobe. Whether in a classic black-and-white combination or vibrant colors, a polka dot dress is versatile and fun.

Styling Tip: Channel your inner retro queen by pairing your polka dot dress with cat-eye sunglasses and a pair of espadrilles. A red lip can also add that perfect pop of color to complete the look.
4. The Asymmetrical Hemline

This summer, it’s all about the unexpected. Asymmetrical hemlines are making a statement on the runways and in street style. These dresses add a modern twist to your wardrobe, with one side longer than the other, creating a dynamic and eye-catching silhouette.

Styling Tip: Let the hemline be the focal point by keeping your accessories simple. A pair of sleek ankle-strap heels will elongate your legs and enhance the asymmetric design.
5. The Color-Block Mini Dress

Bright, bold, and oh-so-fun, color-blocking is making a big splash this summer. A color-block mini dress is perfect for those who love to stand out in a crowd. Look for dresses that combine contrasting colors like fuchsia and orange, or turquoise and lime green, to make a vibrant statement.

Styling Tip: Keep your accessories within the same color family for a cohesive look. Chunky bracelets and bold earrings can enhance the playful vibe of your outfit.
6. The Slip Dress Revival

The 90s are back, and so is the slip dress! This minimalist style is perfect for the summer heat, offering a sleek and sexy look that can be dressed up or down. Opt for slip dresses in luxurious fabrics like silk or satin for a touch of glamour, or go for a casual vibe with a simple cotton version.

Styling Tip: Layer your slip dress over a basic white tee for a casual daytime look, or pair it with strappy heels and a statement necklace for a night out.
7. The Statement Sleeve Dress

Puff sleeves are here to stay, and they’re bigger and bolder for summer 2024. A dress with statement sleeves adds drama and flair to your outfit, making it perfect for those who love to experiment with fashion. Whether it’s oversized puff sleeves, billowy bishop sleeves, or ruched detailing, this trend is all about volume.

Styling Tip: Balance the dramatic sleeves with a fitted waistline to create a flattering silhouette. Keep your hair sleek and pulled back to let the sleeves take center stage.
8. The Cut-Out Craze

Cut-out dresses are having a major moment, offering a flirty and edgy look that’s perfect for summer. From subtle side cut-outs to daring open-back designs, this trend is all about showing off a bit of skin in a stylish way.

Styling Tip: Choose cut-outs that highlight your best features, whether it’s your waist, back, or shoulders. Pair with simple sandals and delicate jewelry to keep the look sophisticated.
9. The Tiered Ruffle Dress

If you’re looking for something feminine and playful, the tiered ruffle dress is your go-to this summer. This style adds movement and texture to your outfit, making it perfect for twirling on the dance floor or enjoying a breezy day out.

Styling Tip: Opt for a pastel-colored ruffle dress for a soft and romantic look, or go bold with bright hues. Pair with strappy sandals and a crossbody bag for an easy, on-the-go outfit.
10. The Classic White Linen Dress

No summer wardrobe is complete without a classic white linen dress. Timeless, versatile, and effortlessly chic, this dress is perfect for any occasion. Whether it’s a shirt dress, a wrap dress, or a simple sundress, linen keeps you cool and comfortable in the summer heat.

Styling Tip: Elevate your white linen dress with layered gold jewelry and a pair of tan leather sandals. A straw hat and woven bag complete the perfect summer look.
Incorporating These Trends into Your Wardrobe

Updating your summer wardrobe with these trends doesn’t mean you have to overhaul everything. Start by adding one or two statement pieces that resonate with your style. For instance, if you’re a fan of minimalism, the slip dress revival might be your new favorite. If you love bold fashion, try the color-block mini dress or the sheer delight trend. Mix and match with pieces you already own to create fresh, on-trend outfits.

Final Thoughts Summer 2024 is all about embracing bold colors, unique silhouettes, and playful details. Whether you’re drawn to the timeless elegance of a white linen dress or the edgy appeal of cut-out designs, there’s something for everyone this season. So, go ahead and experiment with these trends, and make your summer wardrobe as vibrant and dynamic as the season itself!

Posted in Parenting 101, Patience | 45 Comments »

Do you have Santa’s Phone Number?

December 6th, 2009

Happy Countdown to Christmas!

Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Traditions | 5 Comments »

Experience the joy of parenting

November 28th, 2009

“When we are centered in joy, we attain our wisdom.” – Marianne Williamson

As we celebrate the birthdays of our first born, we are also celebrating our anniversary as parents. As you think back, what do you remember?

If I had to sum up my feelings to one word, that word would be joy.

I find myself nostalgically thinking of all the things we did and I can’t help but smile. Not that we were perfect parents, or our lives were perfect, but it was real, and we really enjoyed bringing up our children – every step of the way, even when they were teenagers. We didn’t rush through the stages, anxiously waiting to get to the next one, but really lived in that moment.

Joy is something that is easily spread around, which means that if parents are enjoying the ride, so are their children. I thought it would be interesting to put together a list of your favorite moments of parenting; this would make a wonderful book!

Care to contribute your favorite moments of parenting?

Let me begin…

1. Each year on their little boy’s birthday, a picture is taken in his dad’s button down shirt. Same shirt, every year. They will continue to do that to see how he grows into it.
2. Celebrate every holiday, and include decorations, food and discussion about why that holiday is being celebrated. Presidents Day then isn’t about a sale, but your children will remember the log cabin you built from pretzel logs, as you discuss why Lincoln is still remembered.
3. Cutting down the Christmas tree each year has all the makings of the next National Lampoon Griswold’s movie, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world.
4. You attended every Thanksgiving Day football game at the local high school regardless of the weather, and went back home and prepared a Thanksgiving feast together as a family.

P.S. If you aren’t yet a parent, but remember things your parents did that you really enjoyed; that counts too!

Love to hear from you!

Tina Nocera, Founder
Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Helping Families, Play | No Comments »

Nutley Parents paying for detention – what do you think?

November 22nd, 2009

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. – Dr. Seuss

Having raised my children in Nutley, NJ I read the newstory surrounding the consideration of charging parents for the costs associated with detention with great interest.

First of all, kudos to the Board members that had the courage to raise the question. Most people sit in the comfortable position of challenging the question and answer like a Monday morning quarterback, but lack the creativity to think differently in the first place.

So before I weigh in on the topic, (yes, I am playing the role of the Monday morning quarterback) I am grateful to the original thinkers, School Board members Steve Rogers and Walter Sautter for recognizing an opportunity to make things better.

My opinion is that we would be better served to have the students do something to improve the school rather than being babysat in a classroom.

* In the cases where they can be directly tied to an offense such as grafitti, they should be held accountable to clean it up.

* Where they were sent to dentention for being rude, late or other disciplinary actions, I am sure there is a laundry list of school clean up, repair activities or administrative work that always needs to be done. In that way, the students are the ones paying the price, not their parents.

After all, the purpose of an education is about learning, and it seems as if the students in detention are the ones that need the lesson. Your thoughts?

[polldaddy poll=2288619]

Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Accountability, Education, respect, Responsibility | 52 Comments »