Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

He was carefully taught

Sunday, September 21st, 2014

If I had one hour to save the world, I would spend the first 55 minutes understanding the problem, and the last five minutes solving it.  

Albert Einstein

BC (before children)

The most important job in the world is also the one we are least prepared for.  It’s thrilling the first time we hear we are about to become parents, and prepare by learning as much as we can before the baby’s arrival.

AC (after children)

Because Kids Don’t Come with Manuals® we quickly understand training is on the job; very much like a reading the recipe as the pot boils over on the stove.

There is little preparation for the on the spot decisions you have to make.  The most comfortable path is to do what you know, what your parents did, because after all you turned out ok.

The national news surrounding the Adrian Peterson event moved him from anointed celebrity to condemned criminal.  Companies such as Nike and Castrol pulled major endorsement deals. The NFL was paralyzed in forming a response.

How parents should parent was a topic on news programs, along with culture, geography, and religion. It’s easy to (pardon the pun) be a Monday morning quarterback and judge the way others parent.

At the same time, there was an interesting article this week in the WSJ about a non-profit program called Parent-Child-Home which got a boost from the Robin Hood Foundation.  Funds sent literacy specialists to visit families of young children in low income areas encouraging them to read to their children and not talk ‘babyese’.

Both situations, although dramatically different, are similar in the sense that parents simply do what they learned from their own parents.

It is important to begin a national conversation on parenting.

  1. Take the time to really understand the problem rather than talking in sound bites
  2. Share research on long term impact, whether it is reading to children or corporal punishment.
    Basically educate, don’t legislate.
  3. Help parents understand they don’t have to do what has always been done, but can make choices how to parent based on their own values.

Perhaps Nike and Castrol can move the money kept back for endorsements, and in its place fund this important dialog.

In parenting, there is more than one right answer.  The advisors at Parental Wisdom® would be happy to start the conversation.

We believe in this so strongly, we patented it.

 

Thoughts?

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Hugging your family is neither a strategy nor a solution

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. – Unknown

This past week I placed two consecutive online orders for graphics software.  The first order went through with no problem, but the second purchase required that I contact the credit card company to confirm that I was indeed the cardholder.  Both combined purchases were under $100.  Credit card companies use sophisticated algorithms and business intelligence to stop potentially fraudulent purchases.

But in the past 60 days, James Eagan Holmes bought more than 6,000 rounds of ammunition and four guns including an AR 15 assault rifle at gun shops and over the Internet. 

How is it that something as simple as a minor credit card purchase can raise immediate questions, while the purchase of that much ammunition and an assault rifle didn’t raise any red flags? 

Also this week, marked the passing of Dr. Steven R. Covey, author of the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®.  Habit #4 is win-win which sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying.

That comes into play when you think about our challenges with gun control; they don’t have to be win-lose. In win-lose Covey suggests, life becomes a sum-zero game.  I paraphrase the NRA when they say they don’t want to stop individual rights because, after all, you can’t stop crazy.

They are concerned about the slippery slope of individual rights protected under the 2nd amendment.  But in 1789 the founding fathers could not have  imagined why individuals would need semi-automatic weapons.  Can you?

Law abiding citizens open their bags at arenas and sporting events, turn on laptops at airports as they walk around in bare feet doing what they are told to ensure our safety.  And we are willing to do more to prevent such tragedies. 

One thing we can do is demonstrate to our children that we won’t accept the status quo and ‘it is what it is’ is never a good response.

What we can do right now is reach out to our elected officials and tell them that this can’t happen again.  Public service announcements tell us that if you see something, say something. 

To our public officials: can you hear us now?

Have a good week, especially because you can hug your children

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

The calm before the storm

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

For those cleaning up after Hurricane Irene, hoping for the return of electricity, hot water and the comforts that only electronic devices can provide – stop a moment to realize this is actually the calm before the storm. 

Take pleasure in the few remaining lazy days of summer and spontaneity before schedules rules your life.

Enjoy the kind of fun that is possible only when single-tasking (which may not be a real word, but certainly understandable for a multi-tasking society).

Play a board game, go for a walk, talk to each other as you take full advantage of the last bit of downtime that comes with a holiday weekend.

See you in September!

 Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

If Momma’s Not Happy…Nobody’s Happy

Monday, February 15th, 2010

To my friends at Melandre

Who knew there was such a wonderful oasis practically in my backyard!  I just experienced Sulis, a magnificent new day spa.

The first thing I noticed was the lovely and relaxing décor; the attention to detail and touches makes it very easy to forget you are still in Nutley!

From the luxurious robes to the warm colors and accents including herbal teas, the tranquility room, and soothing shower create a wonderful retreat from work and children.

Then of course, I had my superb facial with Collette which was the best part of all.   I rarely blog about personal experiences, but  I had to write about this one.

Hope the title helps husbands or boyfriends understand the reference which should translate to gift cards!

Good luck to you and your staff on this brilliant addition to an already outstanding salon.

The Promise of a New School Year

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Each new school brings brand new sneakers, book bags and promise. Children start the school year with an A+; they have to keep it. Parents can help in a number of ways.

1. Plan ahead to reduce family stress
Whether it is the weekly meal menu, healthy lunch boxes, or having the school wardrobe ready, it’s always better to plan ahead. Include your children in the planning whenever possible. Rushing through the start of a day can easily spiral out of control.

2. Everything in it’s place
Keys, school papers, book bags, sports equipment, and musical instruments should all have a specific place in the house. Though parents can create the organization, kids need to maintain it. To help kids learn organization, consider purchasing Get Organized Without Losing It written for late elementary through middle grade. It has lots of kid-friendly humor and is written by Parental Wisdom advisor Janet Fox.

3. Set your children up for success
Studies continually show that children that each a good breakfast with lots of protein can concentrate better in school. Get them up a little earlier to start the day right.

4. Provide a study spot
a. Have school supplies in a place that is quiet and free from distractions.
b. Teach them about budgeting their time so projects are ready, not rushed.
c. Review (not do) their homework so you know what is going on at school.
d. Make sure you dig deep into book bags so you can read all school notes.

5. Don’t wait for a red flag or a bad report card before recognizing a struggling student. Contact the teacher before your child gets too far behind.

6. Encourage safety
a. If your child walks to school, make sure he knows how to obey traffic rules.
b. If she rides a bike, be sure she wears a helmet.
c. If he rides the bus, make sure the school district has installed seat belts.
d. Children can only learn if they feel safe. If your child is being bullied, discuss the situation with school officials and insist school programs that teach tolerance and inclusion such as Operation Respect. They offer free programs to schools.

7. Don’t let over-scheduling take away your precious family time. Limit the number of activities you allow your child to participate in.

8. Have dinner together every night. Use this a way for your family to stay connected and to let your children know they belong. Read more about Family Day, which is September 22nd. Pay attention to which subjects and teachers your child talks about. Often those are the teachers that have the most profound impact on your child. Write the teacher a note to let them know their influence.

9. Create an environment for lifelong learning, and teach your children that lessons can easily extend beyond the classroom. Extracurricular and family activities are good ways to help your child learn new things and gain confidence in his or her abilities.

10. Stay involved in your child’s school and participate especially when opportunities arise to meet your child’s classmates such as book fairs or school trips.

11. Keep in touch with your children’s teachers and let them know of any situation that may affect your child in school such as a family illness, recent move, job loss or divorce.

12. When your children challenge your family rules, as compared to their friends’ houses, such as no TV during the week, explain clearly but firmly that things are done differently in your house.

13. Routines are important to children as it helps them feel secure. Consistency is key when it come to bath time, reading and bedtime.

14. Remember you are preparing our next workforce generation. Be sure to instill the importance of showing up and not let your children stay home from school unless it’s absolutely necessary. In the same respect, make sure they understand that being on time is equally important.

15. Make learning real. Show how school skills are needed for such day-to-day activities as cooking from a recipe, balancing a checkbook and writing thank-you notes.

What Do You Do?

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

Thursday, April 24th marks the 16th annual Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work® Day.

It is so much more than a career day. It demonstrates to our children why education matters, but more importantly, our children can be inspired to learn what it is they might love to do. You can only be really great at something with passion and persistence and that begins by doing what you love.

Now for the bad news. If you’re negative about your current job then I recommend you don’t pull your children out of school for the day since you’ll be doing more harm than good. Instead use this as an opportunity to think about the advice that you would give to your grade school age child so that she is not in the same position.

Here are some ideas:

Do what you love. As a young child, spend the time finding what it is that you love
Test the waters. You can’t know if it’s right until you try it. And then if you think you like something, try it again.
Talk to people (as many as you can) in the field you think is for you. Even be courageous enough to talk to people who have left the profession so you could understand why.
Think about the kind of a life you want to live. Do you want a family? Would you love (or hate) to travel? What if you had to constantly relocate? Do you want to be home for dinner every evening (if this is important to you, don’t even think about politics).

Where your pleasure is, there is your treasure;
Where your treasure, there is your heart;
Where your heart, there your happiness.
-Augustine

Let’s Educate Not Legislate

Saturday, December 8th, 2007

 

The work will teach you how to do it. -Estonian Proverb

Imagine if we taught our children to be good people the same way we are taught to be good parents. If done the same way, we would wait until they did something wrong, criticize, possibly incarcerate and then instruct.

Somewhat counterproductive, right?

That is what I think about the recent attempt to ban spanking in Massachusetts.

When we first become parents, our hope is that parents raise good people. On the surface that seems relatively simple; almost too simple. In reality, it is simple for a very short time; when our children are completely in our care, before the outside world has an influence. The bottom line is that parents are never taught how to be parents, and many of parent the way we were parented. If our parents spanked, we learned to spank and fear it will become out of control because we’re not the parents who go anywhere near abuse.

By doing a little homework on the topic of spanking we would learn that it is harmful. Children that hit are children that hit others; the lesson is that it is ok for the bigger person to hit. Furthermore, if we are spanking, we have probably lost our temper, which teaches our children it is ok to lose our temper, and does put us in the danger zone to become abusive. But still creating laws against spanking is simply wrong.

Consider education before legislation.

April Showers brings….stress?

Wednesday, May 9th, 2007

cherryblossom.jpg

This time of year is especially difficult for parents. Doesn’t it seem as if we have to be a number of places at the same time – all the time? Kids sports, school spring concerts and family events seem to collide.

I used to think that holidays were a stressful time of year. But that was BC (before children) and all the events associated with having children that seem to make life more challenging. Here are a few simple ways to make life easier:

Think Nancy Regan – Just say no. But figure out who you should say no to. The people that matter most in your life should be on top of the yes list. You know that already; this is just a friendly reminder.
No it isn’t possible for you to attend two of your children’s games across town at the same time – they haven’t yet been successful at cloning parents. Don’t be guilted by this, and be in one place and pay attention. Each child will get his or her own personal attention from you.
This will sound like a contradiction but it makes sense – get up 15 minutes earlier and still get more sleep. Yes, that means forget the late night talk shows and turn in a little earlier.
Everybody is on the road along with you, so allow more time than you need
Permission granted – so the house is a little dusty – haven’t you seen the poem circling the world via email about the cobwebs and kids? Here is the abbreviated version – The kids grow up very fast so the cobwebs can wait. Any questions?
Ignore the phones – all of them, at least for a little while
Prevention is a cure – fix little problems before they become big ones like low tire pressure, gas in the car, milk in the house making extra copies of keys before you lose them. Hide them or give one to a neighbor..
Does it make sense to buy in bulk this time of year – yes!
Cook ahead and invite the kids to help in the planning and preparation on a Sunday for the week ahead.
Ask them to figure out ways to manage better and then ask them to sign up to help. Who can set the table, take out the trash, fold the towels, etc. Remind them they are part of a family.
Pick your battles
Talk to a calm friend about the things you don’t see that might be causing you unneeded stress
Add an ounce of love to all that you do especially for those that you love
Laugh – research has proven that laughter is a great stress reducer. With kids I’m sure you can find something to laugh about.
Breathe – Live by the airline rule – parents put on your oxygen mask before you put on your child’s. Translation – take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.

Remember – most people are doing the best they can – so are you.