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What are we trying to accomplish?

Sunday, January 31st, 2016

einstein

It happened again. 

The other evening we are at a restaurant.  A family of four enters; the two little boys don’t even glance up from their cell phones as they are being seated. Shortly after orders are placed, the parents join the independent activity on their cell phones.

Yes, times are different but what hasn’t changed is the invaluable connection to the most important people in our lives.  As Einstein fears, are we at the stage where technology is surpassing human interaction?

  • How will our children learn they are part of a family that matters more than anything else?
  • How will they come to know the wonder and craziness of extended family if they don’t listen to the rich family stories?
  • How do parents teach values if children are listening to what is deemed newsworthy by popular culture?

When It Comes to Infant Language Development, Not All Toys Are Created Equal.

Parents – you are the perfect toy!

Of all the changes we would love to make in society but can’t – this one is completely in your control.

Please forgive me if I’m not impressed that your one-year-old knows how to swipe an iPad.  It would be so much better if they know how to turn the page of a book.

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Babies, Communication, community, Creativity, Family, Healthy Lifestyle, Memories, Parenting 101, Popular culture, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

We are moved by our emotions

Friday, January 3rd, 2014

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart”

 -Helen Keller

One of life’s biggest frustrations is knowing the right thing to do and not doing it.

Sometimes it is because we wait for things to be perfect which is like saying I don’t want to leave for work until all the lights are green.

But a friend (thanks Suzanne!) posted a link to an article The Important Thing About Yelling by Rachel Macy Stafford which causes you to stop and think.

That article coupled with an amazing ad directed to moms demonstrates how critical moms are of the job they do, while their kids have a totally different and far more positive reaction.

The clichés express we are to enjoy each moment. Since we are driven by our emotions, I thought the article and video will help.

But simply stated moms, lighten up!

You see – the greatest impact you will have in the world is on your own family.  And you can do that every day in little ways by finding reasons to celebrate without waiting for the big traditional holidays.

First up – Trivia Day – January 4th

What I love about this ‘holiday’ is that you could tailor it to your own family.   Think about creating:

For future ‘holiday’ days/dates – please follow me on Twitter

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Fun, Healthy Lifestyle, Traditions, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

As Nike says…just do it!

Tuesday, December 31st, 2013

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.  Write a good one.  -Brad Paisley

December 1st I promised to perform 24 Random Acts of Kindness, and post tweets each day – see #randomactsofkindness2013 .

  • I suspected at first it would be a challenge to find ways to be kind.
  • I hoped that as I started down this path, it would feel natural.
  • I learned you feel better doing RAOK thus creating a positive momentum.

This is a good tie into the first day of the New Year, and the hopes that come along with a new beginning.  There are hundreds of motivational quotes that we all read.  Want to know a secret?  Reading them isn’t enough – you actually have to act!

  • Buying a workout DVD is great, but you have to open it & exercise daily.
  • Resolving to spend more time with your kids is meaningful, but you have to put down the phone and be present.
  • Deciding to reach out to people that you’ve meant to connect with is nice, but you have to (get the irony here) pick up the phone and call them.
  • If you want to improve things in your life, then don’t waste your life.  Start doing things that you love to do.
  • If you are happy with the status quo, then keep on doing what you’re doing.

I will be posting motivational tweets each day; please feel free to follow me.

Happy New Year, and 2014 – please be good to us!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

 

 

Posted in Habits, Healthy Lifestyle, Hope | No Comments »

I actually left the house like this, we weren’t robbed

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” -Confucius

You made a promise to yourself this wouldn’t happen again this school year.  But you aren’t certain the kitchen counter is even there anymore because it is covered with school notes, art work, party invitations, doctor appointment reminders, permission notes, picture forms, meeting and club notices, junk mail, newspapers, and bills buried somewhere in piles. 

And its dinnertime and you have no idea what dinner is going to be.  At our house, it got so bad that I would leave my husband a note in case he came home first.  “No, we weren’t robbed; I actually left the place like this.” 

I am not going to get all Martha Stewart on you because it’s difficult to get to that degree of organization, but it can be better and in your control.  It begins with simplicity.

Here are a few tips that might help:

  • When papers come in, they all go in one in-basket; go through them only one time.
    • Create file folders numbered 1 to 31 and separate folders labeled Jan to Dec.  If papers have date such as party invitations, doctor appointments, bills that are due, etc. they do in the respective monthly folder. 
    • If the due date is the current month, the papers are filed in the appropriate day folder; 1 to 31.  If you follow this process, you will never lose any papers.  
    • Art work can be placed in pizza boxes or rolled up in cardboard paper towel rolls. You can also add other folders such as gift ideas, receipts, or others that apply to you and your family.
  • Keys are always put in the same place, a key holder near the door.
  • Kids each get a place for shoes, sports gear and a basket with their name.  If needed, have another basket for the stuff they are responsible for.
      • They are in charge of emptying the baskets.  Nothing gets dumped on the floor.  For very young children, put their picture and name so they get started early and understand they are part of the household.
      • Book bags are on hooks, and when the weather gets cooler, so are coats.  Position the hooks low enough for the kids to reach them.
  • Purchase or create a mom calendar with a different spots for each family member.
  • Now for meals… Ask each family member to write down their favorite meal ideas; do this each season.   Little kids can participate if you show them pictures of healthy foods.

Since each family member contributes to the chaos, they should contribute to crafting a solution to better organization.  What ideas can you share?

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

Posted in Healthy Lifestyle, Organization, Responsibility, School Age | No Comments »

Hugging your family is neither a strategy nor a solution

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. – Unknown

This past week I placed two consecutive online orders for graphics software.  The first order went through with no problem, but the second purchase required that I contact the credit card company to confirm that I was indeed the cardholder.  Both combined purchases were under $100.  Credit card companies use sophisticated algorithms and business intelligence to stop potentially fraudulent purchases.

But in the past 60 days, James Eagan Holmes bought more than 6,000 rounds of ammunition and four guns including an AR 15 assault rifle at gun shops and over the Internet. 

How is it that something as simple as a minor credit card purchase can raise immediate questions, while the purchase of that much ammunition and an assault rifle didn’t raise any red flags? 

Also this week, marked the passing of Dr. Steven R. Covey, author of the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®.  Habit #4 is win-win which sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying.

That comes into play when you think about our challenges with gun control; they don’t have to be win-lose. In win-lose Covey suggests, life becomes a sum-zero game.  I paraphrase the NRA when they say they don’t want to stop individual rights because, after all, you can’t stop crazy.

They are concerned about the slippery slope of individual rights protected under the 2nd amendment.  But in 1789 the founding fathers could not have  imagined why individuals would need semi-automatic weapons.  Can you?

Law abiding citizens open their bags at arenas and sporting events, turn on laptops at airports as they walk around in bare feet doing what they are told to ensure our safety.  And we are willing to do more to prevent such tragedies. 

One thing we can do is demonstrate to our children that we won’t accept the status quo and ‘it is what it is’ is never a good response.

What we can do right now is reach out to our elected officials and tell them that this can’t happen again.  Public service announcements tell us that if you see something, say something. 

To our public officials: can you hear us now?

Have a good week, especially because you can hug your children

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

Posted in Accountability, Healthy Lifestyle, Safety, Stress | 2 Comments »

The calm before the storm

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

For those cleaning up after Hurricane Irene, hoping for the return of electricity, hot water and the comforts that only electronic devices can provide – stop a moment to realize this is actually the calm before the storm. 

Take pleasure in the few remaining lazy days of summer and spontaneity before schedules rules your life.

Enjoy the kind of fun that is possible only when single-tasking (which may not be a real word, but certainly understandable for a multi-tasking society).

Play a board game, go for a walk, talk to each other as you take full advantage of the last bit of downtime that comes with a holiday weekend.

See you in September!

 Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Fun, Healthy Lifestyle, Stress | No Comments »

Are You Not Entertained?

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

gladiator

Standing on the checkout line at the supermarket I can’t help but wonder…what if aliens landed here in search for intelligent life and turned to the media? They would see a civilization poised to watch the ups and downs in scrutizing detail of other people’s lives.

This reminds me of that great scene in Gladiator where Russell Crowe (who looked amazing by the way) turned to the crowd after killing his tenth consecutive opponent and cried out, “Are you not entertained?”

Why are we fascinated with the lives of other people, especially the challenges they go through. I don’t get reality TV, especially why you would let someone else with a camera crew of a dozen people into the privacy of your home and your life? Our words do not match our actions. Ask people what is most important to them and they will immediately reply, “My family!” Ok, so then why would you put them on display? For what purpose?

Sorry folks, but you will never see my family’s reality show, and I won’t be watching theirs. I’m making the choice to focus on living our best life.

Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Healthy Lifestyle, Media & Marketing, Popular culture | 5 Comments »

The Promise of a New School Year

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Each new school brings brand new sneakers, book bags and promise. Children start the school year with an A+; they have to keep it. Parents can help in a number of ways.

1. Plan ahead to reduce family stress
Whether it is the weekly meal menu, healthy lunch boxes, or having the school wardrobe ready, it’s always better to plan ahead. Include your children in the planning whenever possible. Rushing through the start of a day can easily spiral out of control.

2. Everything in it’s place
Keys, school papers, book bags, sports equipment, and musical instruments should all have a specific place in the house. Though parents can create the organization, kids need to maintain it. To help kids learn organization, consider purchasing Get Organized Without Losing It written for late elementary through middle grade. It has lots of kid-friendly humor and is written by Parental Wisdom advisor Janet Fox.

3. Set your children up for success
Studies continually show that children that each a good breakfast with lots of protein can concentrate better in school. Get them up a little earlier to start the day right.

4. Provide a study spot
a. Have school supplies in a place that is quiet and free from distractions.
b. Teach them about budgeting their time so projects are ready, not rushed.
c. Review (not do) their homework so you know what is going on at school.
d. Make sure you dig deep into book bags so you can read all school notes.

5. Don’t wait for a red flag or a bad report card before recognizing a struggling student. Contact the teacher before your child gets too far behind.

6. Encourage safety
a. If your child walks to school, make sure he knows how to obey traffic rules.
b. If she rides a bike, be sure she wears a helmet.
c. If he rides the bus, make sure the school district has installed seat belts.
d. Children can only learn if they feel safe. If your child is being bullied, discuss the situation with school officials and insist school programs that teach tolerance and inclusion such as Operation Respect. They offer free programs to schools.

7. Don’t let over-scheduling take away your precious family time. Limit the number of activities you allow your child to participate in.

8. Have dinner together every night. Use this a way for your family to stay connected and to let your children know they belong. Read more about Family Day, which is September 22nd. Pay attention to which subjects and teachers your child talks about. Often those are the teachers that have the most profound impact on your child. Write the teacher a note to let them know their influence.

9. Create an environment for lifelong learning, and teach your children that lessons can easily extend beyond the classroom. Extracurricular and family activities are good ways to help your child learn new things and gain confidence in his or her abilities.

10. Stay involved in your child’s school and participate especially when opportunities arise to meet your child’s classmates such as book fairs or school trips.

11. Keep in touch with your children’s teachers and let them know of any situation that may affect your child in school such as a family illness, recent move, job loss or divorce.

12. When your children challenge your family rules, as compared to their friends’ houses, such as no TV during the week, explain clearly but firmly that things are done differently in your house.

13. Routines are important to children as it helps them feel secure. Consistency is key when it come to bath time, reading and bedtime.

14. Remember you are preparing our next workforce generation. Be sure to instill the importance of showing up and not let your children stay home from school unless it’s absolutely necessary. In the same respect, make sure they understand that being on time is equally important.

15. Make learning real. Show how school skills are needed for such day-to-day activities as cooking from a recipe, balancing a checkbook and writing thank-you notes.

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Posted in Bullying, Family, Healthy Lifestyle, Helping Families, Parenting 101, Safety, School Age, Stress | 30 Comments »

You can only spend time

Sunday, August 3rd, 2008

Recently a few dads mentioned they are not spending enough time with their kids, or in other cases, they felt the time slipped past them since their children are now older.

As I noted in my book Because Kids Don’t Come With Manuals® time and money have much in common, but one very clear distinction: you can make money and you can spend money, but you can only spend time – you can’t make time.

Despite what you might think, if given the choice, children would much rather spend time with you as compared to you working harder or longer hours to make money to buy them things. The best plaything in the world is you.

I point this out as Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon Professor who gave the famous Last Lecture recently passed away. The famous speech, which is now a book, was really meant for his children, but the rest of us eagerly listened in.

The world wanted to hear more from Randy, but he didn’t want to miss any time that he could spend with his children, so he collaborated via cell phone with Jeffrey Zaslow of the Wall St. Journal as he rode his bike an hour a day for 53 days.

Putting myself in his shoes, I can’t imagine not being there for my children in their moments of joy and more importantly in their moments of need. But it comes down to being there, which is about the choices we make. As Randy reminded us, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

If you don’t know how to play with your kids – find someone who does effortlessly and do the same things. If you think the time has passed where you didn’t teach your son to ride a bike or throw a ball, ok, but you can still talk to your grown son and learn about him.

The key to time is making the most of what you have.

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Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Dads, Healthy Lifestyle, Money & Material Things, Time | 1 Comment »

Jury Duty Compared to Working Little League Concession Stand

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Of all the wonderful memories I have of my children growing up, one of the worst was the rotation of working the concession stand at little league.

In order of preference I would put jury duty and root canal surgery ahead of that task.

A 7-year-old Massachusetts boy was benched during his Little League baseball game because his mother failed to show up to work the league’s concession stand, and the mother isn’t happy about it.

Jodi Hooper of Freetown said she was unable to fulfill her obligation at the concession stand because she couldn’t get time off from work, according to MyFOXBoston.

Dave Brouillette, head of the Freetown Youth Athletic Association, told MyFOXBoston that the concession revenues are necessary to fund the league’s programs and that he has to enforce the rules, which require parents show up for their assigned concession stand shifts or risk suspensions for their children.

Brouillette told the station that he wasn’t able to see his own son play because he had to cover the concession stand shift for Hooper, according to MyFOXBoston.

As usual, we’re focusing on the wrong things. Instead let’s consider:

1. We have too many adults involved in children’s sports which is taking away from the real objective; to have children learn a sport, have fun and team building skills without adult interference.

2. If parents sign up their child, they are there to see them play, not watch fries turn a lovely golden brown.

3. Why is the concession stand needed anyway? Don’t we have an obesity problem in this country as it is?

Adults, get out of the way and let kids play.

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Posted in Healthy Lifestyle, Play, Sports | 4 Comments »

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