Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

The Sandwich Kid

Sunday, October 14th, 2007

I have a sign hanging up at home. It says ‘No Whining’ and has a red circle around it, with a red line through it. I first drew that sign when my kids were little and whining, as young children often do. I remember thinking one day how ineffective a means of communication whining was and that I didn’t want to add any more whiners to an ever growing population.

That is especially true when it comes to me. Anytime I feel overwhelmed or stressed, I realize that there is always someone that has a more difficult time, and none more than parents and families of children struggling with an illness or a disability.

I was surprised to learn that over 650 million people in the world suffer from disabilities, from mild to severe. If you think about how many siblings and family members that would affect, the number is staggering.

Take a look at this brief clip of The Sandwich Kid– a film about special needs families. I guarantee you won’t whine again about the struggles you face. Thanks Judy Winter for sharing this ten minute promo.

Who is right?

Thursday, August 30th, 2007

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A NY Times article, In 2008 Race, Little Ones Go on the Trail with Daddy presents a very different picture of what the candidates might be dealing with.

No fewer than five presidential contenders have children under the age of 10; a circumstance historians say has no recent precedent.

What’s interesting is the candidates differing philosophies on the amount of family disruption they will allow, and the reasons why.

John Edwards, the former North Carolina Senator, brings along Emma Claire and Jack, 9 and 7. Like most children that age, they are often fidgety and bored with campaign life. So why invite the disruption – quite possibly because the Edwards’ lost their oldest son to a car accident 11 years ago. He doesn’t want miss a thing; even the challenges of negotiating sitting quiet and still with children that have heard his speech dozens of times before.

Barack Obama on the other hand, is determined to keep his girls, ages 9 and 6 with their scheduled intact. Michelle Obama believes that birthday parties and day camp field trips come first, and children thrive on stability and routines.

Mr. Thompson, a former Republican senator from Tennessee has a 9-month old son and a 3 year-old daughter which are featured on his website. Missing are his older sons from a previous marriage. There are also logistics issues regarding car seats, sudden illnesses, and the unexpected diaper removal on camera while giving a speech.

This is exactly why I started Parental Wisdom, the patented parenting website that recognizes parents as the real experts in knowing their own children best.

There are usually several versions of right – but, much like the presidential candidates, the parents know which applies to them.

Humor Me

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

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‘Humor Me’ is a phrase that has gotten me past many parenting arguments. As both my college age children prepare to leave the nest, I wanted one more picture in front of the tree; the same tree that they stood in front of for each first day of school picture for years. That is until they rebelled and insisted the living room was a better photo op so they couldn’t be seen by any friends passing by. Eventually they got over it and humored me; their old mom, and once again stood in front of the tree.

As families shop for back to school supplies, clothes, backpacks, sneakers and such, the first day of school is upon us. Parents break out the cameras and camcorders ready for those precious first day of school pictures. Don’t focus so much on the photo that you miss the mental picture of the moment. It is priceless.

Auntie Mame and the Family Reunion

Sunday, July 15th, 2007

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She often told her nephew, “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Auntie Mame

We all have a strong need to belong, and extended family shows us the interesting mix of personalities, ages, and stages that makes up this wonderful gift we call family. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins all with different personalities and temperaments are part of who we are, and what we belong to. And we all need to belong to something. It’s all about connections – connections underlie everything. That is why in the movie, Castaway, Tom Hanks’ character creates a friend out of a volleyball he calls Wilson.

Most extended families don’t live in the same city anymore, let alone the same block. While there are benefits to distance, isn’t it sad that your kids may not know your relatives as well as they could or should?

For many families, the return of the family reunion gives everybody exactly what they need – a sense of belonging to a group larger than an immediate family.

“The lack of emotional security of our American young people is due, I believe, to their isolation from the larger family unit. No two people – no mere mother or father – as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child. He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.” – Pearl Buck

Did you know that African American families account for half of all family reunions held in the United Sates? About 70% of summer non-business related travel by African Americans is reunion related. Source www.crayola.com

Ironically, the same ease of travel and technology that allows us to move further apart can bring families together. The younger members comfortable with technology can easily design websites, upload photos, and create email distribution lists, making it all child’s play.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

Plan ahead – July is family reunion month, so get started now for next year. Don’t expect this to be smooth sailing; even the closest families will have problems agreeing on everything.

Calendars – begin by getting conflicting dates out of the way, like weddings, graduations, and studying abroad. Pick two or three dates that make sense and email everyone. For the family members that do not have email, here is a free conference telephone bridge that might work.

Involve everyone – build teams by utilizing everyone’s talents. Have the finance person in the family oversee the budget, while the party planner organizes games and activities. Make sure the finance person is cost conscious but avoid having a family member host the event at their home which tends to create a less than evenly distributed event.

Visit the Family Reunion Institute of Temple University – the only organization of its kind in the United States. The mission of the Institute is to serve as a resource to families having reunions. Here is a link explaining How to Organize a Family Reunion.

Child of the Day

Friday, June 1st, 2007

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Kathy couldn’t handle her two young children’s bickering; each one was vying for her attention. More importantly, she didn’t like playing the role of an umpire. To turn it around, she started “child of the day” at her house. Each day, Mary or Kenny would be child of the day, and his name would appear on the family calendar that hung on the fridge.

“Child of the day” was a combination of responsibilities and rewards. For example, the child of the day gets to choose which book is read first, who takes a bath first, etc. Although each child is responsible for his or her own chores and cleaning up after himself, the child of the day is responsible for the little things that come up, like getting a spare roll of paper towels.

It worked so well that the petty arguments virtually disappeared. Years later Kathy asked each child to tell her who her favorite was. They each replied, “Me!” That’s when she realized “child of the day” worked. Both children were right; each child is her favorite.

How else could you explain how parents find enough love in their hearts for each child that comes along?

A well known story about goals

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

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Here is a well-known story about goals.

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village where a small boat with just one fisherman was docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied “only a little while”

The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish.

The Mexican said, “I had enough to support my family’s immediate needs.”

The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time? “

The fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard M.B.A. and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat with the proceeds. From the bigger boat you could buy several boats and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”

Fisherman – “But what then, senor? “

The American laughed and said “that’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions. “

Fisherman “Millions, senor? Then what? “

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.“

How are you doing on your goals?

Family Traditions

Friday, May 4th, 2007

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We recently talked about creating a family culture. From that culture, rituals and traditions begin. Children love rituals because it helps them to feel secure. Have you noticed that when you do something twice, kids immediately call it a tradition? Actually a lot of good parenting can come from watching our children’s reaction to things; both good and bad.

Now I love Friday nights because that means it is the end of the work week, and more time we could spend together as a family. I made it even better by giving myself the night off from cooking every Friday night.

When my kids were little, I would pick the kids up from nursery school after work, we would head over to the Chinese restaurant which was strategically placed next door to Blockbuster. Our tradition started innocently enough, with a little song Chinese food and movies. Next it evolved into a silly little dance, a sort of conga. You had to see this – I’m in a business suit, doing this conga dance and singing this song as I move with my little kids from the Chinese restaurant as we placed our order, then to rent a movie and back to pick up the food. We would come home, get into comfy clothes and veg out. Though my kids are big now, I still carry on the tradition of not cooking on Friday nights.

There are many simple traditions families have like taking a walk or playing cards after dinner. Some have seasonal traditions like apple picking in the fall, berry picking in the spring, cutting down a Christmas tree, indoor campouts, or fishing.

Children value these simple times. What are your favorite family traditions?

You can visit Parental Wisdom and print out the free report Wonderful Family traditions.

Talk to you on Monday. Have a great weekend and Happy Friday!

Creating a Family Culture

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007

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When asked how he went about his work, the great artist Michelangleo said that if given a block of stone and asked to carve an angel, he would simply take his hammer and chisel and carve away anything that didn’t look like an angel.

That is an interesting perspective we can use when raising children. What if we could chip away at the behaviors we didn’t want our children to have. Instead, what if we helped to shape the positive behaviors we wanted our children to exhibit? Better yet, what if we focused on raising the kind of a person we want our children to become? Just imagine that you have clay and were able to mold your child.

You have to agree that despite all the outside influences, you are still the greatest influence. I know it is really tough work to raise a child, but think of it this way. It is easier to build a child than it is to repair an adult.

Taking it a step further, think about the kind of a family and home you want? Growing up you must remember different kinds of families. There was the fun family, the yellers, and there was the family whose home was like a museum, where everything was covered in plastic and roped off. Did you ever wonder how that happens? You’re in charge now and you get to choose. But we have to do that consciously and figure out what kind of a family you want.

It begins with a definition of family, which can simply be defined as people loving and caring for one another, no matter where they live or with whom they live. It is helpful to associate language around what you believe, for example, “We are a family that loves each other unconditionally, and encourages differing opinions but always respects one another. We are a family that loves to spend time together having fun.” Make it up – but make it happen. In the case of blended families, this becomes even more important. Consider what happens with a merger and acquisition – two companies come together which is exactly what a blended family is.

Something to think about.

To print out Creating a Family Culture visit Parental Wisdom and click on free reports