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Hoorah! Finally, a Mean Mom

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Jane Hambleton of Fort Dodge, Iowa has dubbed herself “the meanest mom on the planet.” Despite her harsh personnel criticism, she has people cheering, and I’m one of them.

I would suspect that if you questioned educators, coaches, emergency room nurses, school counselors, and police officers they would stand up and cheer for the mom who put an ad in the paper and sold her 19-year-old son’s car after she found alcohol in

It appears that parents of teens choose a camp. They are either as President Ronald Regan suggests, from the ‘trust, but verify’ school of thought, or the ‘blissfully ignorant’ camp, or from that river in Egypt, ‘selective denial.’

Under age drinking doesn’t make sense at all – period.

Jane Hambleton decided to be a parent at the sake of friendship. Kudos to you!

Posted in Parenting 101, Teens | 7 Comments »

Babies are the new accessory

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008

It is quite fashionable these days to have a baby. Better than a handbag or Chihuahua, babies are the new ‘it’ accessory.

Those of us who are professional parents (non-celebrities) always knew that. The difference is that when our babies become toddlers and eventually teens, we never loose interest in the fashion moment.

The next time a celebrity sits on Oprah’s couch and gushes about their baby, just be confident in the thought that your little star will always be shining even if your baby’s name doesn’t result in any Google hits.

Posted in Babies, Parenting 101, Popular culture | 11 Comments »

Please respect our privacy at this very difficult time

Tuesday, December 25th, 2007

My mom often says, “Don’t spit in the water, because you may have to drink it someday.”

Loosely translated that means you shouldn’t talk about other people’s kids because your kids could make the same mistakes.

The announcement of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears’s pregnancy is not a reason to question the parenting skills of Lynne Spears or the decision to delay the release of her parenting book.

Each parent has one variable we have to constantly be reminded of – our children.

Since I’m not standing in her shoes I can’t question Lynne Spears’s parenting skills. What I can question is who is selling the photos and stories to the media.

Their older daughter has to live with constant paparazzi bombardment and would welcome privacy. Knowing that, why would the family agree to invite the media into this very difficult time.

As parents, we wear many hats. But one of the most important roles is to be our child’s advocate. That means giving them time to learn from the mistakes they make.

That is, out of the limelight.

Posted in Parenting 101, Teens | 2 Comments »

The front porch in communities

Friday, December 14th, 2007

In the book, Come On People: On the Path from Victims to Victors the authors Bill Cosby and Alvin F. Poussaint have a powerful message for families and communities as they lay out their visions for strengthening America, or for that matter the world.

They address the crises of people who are stuck because of feelings of low self-esteem, abandonment, anger, fearfulness, sadness, and feelings of being used, undefended and unprotected. These feelings often impede their ability to move forward. The authors aim to help empower people make the daunting transition from victims to victors. Come On, People! is always engaging, and loaded with heart-piercing stories of the problems facing many communities.

The issues the authors bring to light in this book are not exaggerated. But the problems to a much lesser degree are not limited to this community. Children simply exist and do not reach their potential in even the most affluent communities. The deciding factor seems of how successful a child turns out seems to revolve around how much the family and community care about the child. By success, I don’t mean to limit the discussion to grades or future earnings, but contentment and self-esteem to believe they can do anything they set their minds to.

If we want to improve the success of today’s youth we can take the approach of bringing back front porches; literally and figuratively. It’s a metaphor for people to watch out for their community and to know that each of us is known and accountable for our actions.

It does take a village to raise a child.

Tags:bill cosby, community, parenting
Posted in Family, Parenting 101 | No Comments »

Let’s Educate Not Legislate

Saturday, December 8th, 2007

The work will teach you how to do it. -Estonian Proverb

Imagine if we taught our children to be good people the same way we are taught to be good parents. If done the same way, we would wait until they did something wrong, criticize, possibly incarcerate and then instruct.

Somewhat counterproductive, right?

That is what I think about the recent attempt to ban spanking in Massachusetts.

When we first become parents, our hope is that parents raise good people. On the surface that seems relatively simple; almost too simple. In reality, it is simple for a very short time; when our children are completely in our care, before the outside world has an influence. The bottom line is that parents are never taught how to be parents, and many of parent the way we were parented. If our parents spanked, we learned to spank and fear it will become out of control because we’re not the parents who go anywhere near abuse.

By doing a little homework on the topic of spanking we would learn that it is harmful. Children that hit are children that hit others; the lesson is that it is ok for the bigger person to hit. Furthermore, if we are spanking, we have probably lost our temper, which teaches our children it is ok to lose our temper, and does put us in the danger zone to become abusive. But still creating laws against spanking is simply wrong.

Consider education before legislation.

Posted in Helping Families, Parenting 101, Safety, Self Esteem, Stress | No Comments »

Reality TV and our boring lives

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Have you ever watched your life from the outside looking in? If someone were to do that and look in on my life, it would not be very good television. That makes me happy. It isn’t my goal to be a guest on Dr. Phil or Nanny 911. The same applies to my friends and family.

In fact I’ve often wondered about the families that appear on these shows. Where is their ‘village’ in their lives that offer support. They either don’t have any or didn’t listen if advice was offered.

A new book is out by Dr. John Rosemon entitled “Parenting by The Book” (Howard Books, 2007), his 12th book on parenting, Rosemond attributes parental stress, frustration, anxiety, and guilt to the fact that they’ve adopted a postmodern psychological parenting paradigm that doesn’t work.

He suggests that we move away from child-centered parenting, which he believes is the cause of so many negative parenting experiences.

Without having the benefit of reading his book, I would believe his theory has some merit. I know that many families are reluctant to abandon the play dates and aggressive activity schedules simply because they would be the first to do so, and then what would their children do?

Collectively, we need to start and take back control of our families. Now is a great time to start.

Posted in Parenting 101, Play | No Comments »

Relying On Your Own Instincts

Monday, November 12th, 2007

I’ve always felt that there is a lot that business and parenting have in common, but at the top of the list is a tremendous reliance on instincts supported by good information.

This realization started for me when my kids were little and the experts said that they should cry it out when they went to sleep. That didn’t quite sit right with me. Not knowing any better, we let the kids sleep on our floor. The unspoken message was, ‘we not shutting the door on you, we’re always here for you.’

I suppose our problem is that we often look at things in black and white, when most are a bright shade of grey. The case of helicopter parenting is looked on as parenting having a long distance umbilical cord – I even wrote about this! But in reality, perhaps the difference between excessive hovering and parenting is simply about being there when needed.

Seems pretty black and white to me.

Posted in College Age, Parenting 101 | No Comments »

The Kids Are Always Watching

Monday, October 29th, 2007

The families of two 5th-graders involved in a pushing incident are called in for a counseling session after words between families were exchanged. After the counseling session ended, an argument and altercation outside the school followed. When it was over, the father of one of the boys was dead.

How do our children learn? What do our children learn? They learn from us, their first and most important teachers. They learn how to behave, how to resolve arguments without violence, and they learn that sometimes they are wrong.

Scenario

Two best friends try out for the high school varsity cheering squad. Tracy makes it; Allie doesn’t. They walk home together in silence. Allie walks in her house, tosses down her book bag, and tells her mom, “I can’t believe she didn’t say a word to me. I can’t believe she didn’t say, ‘I’m sorry you didn’t make it!’” At the same time, Tracy arrives home in tears. “I can’t believe she didn’t congratulate me,” she tells her mother.

A parent has a tremendous opportunity to help her child, and at the risk of hyperbole, even get us closer to world peace, by pointing out to her child the other person’s point of view. What if the same scenario played a little differently?

What if Allie’s mom replied, “Honey, maybe Tracy was struggling with feeling good about making the squad and feeling guilty that you didn’t. It’s very possible that she simply didn’t know what to say.”

Tracy’s mom could have replied, “Tracy, put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Allie was really disappointed that she didn’t make it. Give her a day to deal with that.”

The world looks very different when you hear the same scenario from the other person’s perspective.

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.
-Mother Teresa

Posted in Communication, Empathy, Parenting 101 | No Comments »

The Grass Isn’t Greener – Even in Scotland

Friday, October 26th, 2007

Known as one of the world’s best golf courses, one would believe that St. Andrews in Scotland is an indication that the grass is truly greener. That may be true in the literal sense, but not figuratively.

If you’re worried about parenting, then you should know that parents in Scotland feel undermined, under-valued and un-supported. Scotland’s parents are feeling the pressure to be perfect more than ever before and parents of teenagers are looking for help they say just isn’t there. That’s the findings from a new report which was launched today (16) by leading children’s charity CHILDREN 1ST during National Parenting Week.

The bottom line is the same arguments noted in the report are heard here in the U.S. I applaud UNICEF ambassador Kaye Adams comment that it is no longer ‘us and them’ – we need to work together to help parents, especially parents with teens.

Posted in Family Friendly America, Parenting 101, Teens | No Comments »

What Target® can teach us about being good parents

Saturday, October 20th, 2007

You see their striking television commercials and slick print ads. You know where their stores are located, and what they sell. So why does Target® need to continue advertising?

Simple, because they want to constantly remind you they are there. Advertising is repeating the message; sometimes in a varying number of ways. The more you hear it, the more likely you are to believe.

That is the lesson we need to learn as parents. It isn’t enough that you told them once to clean up their room, or their toys, or eat their vegetables, or be respectful, or to stay away from drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. Much like an advertising message, your children have to hear it repeatedly.

Why else would household names, like Coke®, Pepsi®, and Disney® spend hundreds of millions of dollars a year on advertising? Surely their brand position is solid. They want to be kept top of mind.

Don’t we want the same thing? We’re battling popular culture for our children’s attention, and let’s face it – the interests of popular culture don’t exactly match our interests as parents.

Make sure you repeat the message you want your children to hear. Visit Parental Wisdom Free Reports to find ways to communication with children and teens.

No one has made this point better (or funnier) than [youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=sXT6Hs113ZA]

Posted in Communication, Media & Marketing, Parenting 101 | No Comments »

Parental Wisdom® by Tina Nocera