Not lovin’ it

August 9th, 2007

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A recent Stanford University study finds that a preschooler’s perception of what tastes better can be heavily influenced by packaging.

The study had 3-5-year-olds from low-income families sample foods in taste tests of food wrapped in McDonalds and in umarked wrappers. Study author Dr. Tom Robinson is quoted as saying kids’ perception of taste was “physically altered by the branding.” Even carrots, milk and apple juice tasted better to the kids if they thought the food was from McDonald’s.

We already know that very young children who are not yet able to read can easily distinguish between the Burger King and McDonalds logos.

Well, we’re closer to our answer on healthy eating – – just package up the healthy foods in those familiar wrappers. Or, perhaps we could stop marketing to young children as if they hold the household pursestrings.

Little kids can’t yet drive, yet fast food places are a favorite dinner destination spot. Parents instead might consider a well thought out trip to the supermarket and making your child part of the planning and preparation.

You’ll be a lot more fun than Ronald.

The Color of Friendship

August 5th, 2007

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Once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel. All claimed that they were the best. The most important. The most useful. The favorite.

Green said:
“Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves. Without me, all animals would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority.”

Blue interrupted:
“You only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing.”

Yellow chuckled:
“You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun.”

Orange started next to blow her trumpet:
“I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and papayas. I don’t hang around all the time, but when I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you.”

Red could stand it no longer he shouted out:
“I am the ruler of all of you. I am blood – life’s blood! I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for a cause. I bring fire into the blood. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy.”

Purple rose up to his full height:
He was very tall and spoke with great pomp: “I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey.”

Finally Indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination:
“Think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace.”

And so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamor, rain began to speak:
“You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Don’t you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me.”

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.

The rain continued:
“From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The Rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow.”

And so, whenever a good rain washes the world, and a Rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another.

— Author Unknown

Interim Update

August 1st, 2007

Hi folks,

Taking a break as I work through some website updates. Promise to check back in again soon.

What Would You Do?

July 16th, 2007

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I received the following email.

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Today was a first for me… My daughter (5) and I pulled into a local store.

The spot I wanted to pull into was empty except for a woman who had her car door open and was loading groceries with her two small children still outside the car in the empty spot. Instead of hurrying the mom and scaring the children, I drove around to a spot further away.

My daughter thought I was parking and took her clasiq car seat belt off. I parked and took her out kissing and hugging her and went on my way. To my surprise, when I got back to my car there was a note from the young mother on my windshield with a paper from your website.

It said it was a stupid ticket and that she gave it to me for not having my daughter in a car restraining seat, and went further to say if I loved her I would keep her safe.

At first I was offended that she did not say it to me rather than leave it behind on my car. If she did she would know not only do I have car seats for my kids I made my older daughter who is now 10 and 5’2” sit in a booster seat until she was 9 to be safe. PA law is 8 years old or 4′ and although my daughter surpassed those marks she still sat in the seat. I also have been part of car seat safety checks two years in a row at a local dealership in my area.

My younger daughter took her belt off today because 1) she now can and
2) because I stopped to park. I did reiterate that she should not take her belt off until the car is off.

I don’t agree with the woman who did this. She mentioned she was a nurse and that she saw kids in terrible ways. I will give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe something shook her world and she is out there living with that.

I hope your website does not advocate people to be quick to judge, to run away with a hurtful note left behind.

– Mom from Pennsylvania

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I was really moved by this mom’s email and told her that at Parental Wisdom, we really try NOT to judge, and recognize there are misunderstandings (like this one) and mistakes because parents are often doing a number of things at once.

Yes, the Stupid Ticket is one of the Free Reports on the Parental Wisdom website. But stupidity is something that people do repeatedly and not ever learn a lesson. For that reason, we also have a Safety Ticket which is a reminder of the things you already know; and presents a much kinder, gentler approach.

Back to the parent that left the note – I do understand why she didn’t talk to the parent directly. Parents could be defensive at the very least, and violent at the worst. The dilemma – what should parents do if they see a situation that raises child safety concerns?

I reached out to Robert A. Brasky of the Lake Zurich Police Department in Illinois is an expert on Traffic Safety to learn what parents can do if a child is potentially in danger. The example I used was a time I spotted a three-year-old was left alone in a running car. His response, “Call the police and give them the information. Do not approach the parents.” Safe and sound advice.

Robert also shared the alarming statistic that approximately 95% of child car seats are improperly installed. To make sure you aren’t one of them, visit www.car-seat.org to learn what you can do, and www.nhtsa.gov to find locations where your child’s carseat can be checked for proper installation.

But let’s talk about you for a moment…

How would you respond to a situation where a child could be in danger?
How would you respond to someone correcting you about your own child’s safety?

Please leave a comment and let us know.

Auntie Mame and the Family Reunion

July 15th, 2007

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She often told her nephew, “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Auntie Mame

We all have a strong need to belong, and extended family shows us the interesting mix of personalities, ages, and stages that makes up this wonderful gift we call family. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins all with different personalities and temperaments are part of who we are, and what we belong to. And we all need to belong to something. It’s all about connections – connections underlie everything. That is why in the movie, Castaway, Tom Hanks’ character creates a friend out of a volleyball he calls Wilson.

Most extended families don’t live in the same city anymore, let alone the same block. While there are benefits to distance, isn’t it sad that your kids may not know your relatives as well as they could or should?

For many families, the return of the family reunion gives everybody exactly what they need – a sense of belonging to a group larger than an immediate family.

“The lack of emotional security of our American young people is due, I believe, to their isolation from the larger family unit. No two people – no mere mother or father – as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child. He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.” – Pearl Buck

Did you know that African American families account for half of all family reunions held in the United Sates? About 70% of summer non-business related travel by African Americans is reunion related. Source www.crayola.com

Ironically, the same ease of travel and technology that allows us to move further apart can bring families together. The younger members comfortable with technology can easily design websites, upload photos, and create email distribution lists, making it all child’s play.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

Plan ahead – July is family reunion month, so get started now for next year. Don’t expect this to be smooth sailing; even the closest families will have problems agreeing on everything.

Calendars – begin by getting conflicting dates out of the way, like weddings, graduations, and studying abroad. Pick two or three dates that make sense and email everyone. For the family members that do not have email, here is a free conference telephone bridge that might work.

Involve everyone – build teams by utilizing everyone’s talents. Have the finance person in the family oversee the budget, while the party planner organizes games and activities. Make sure the finance person is cost conscious but avoid having a family member host the event at their home which tends to create a less than evenly distributed event.

Visit the Family Reunion Institute of Temple University – the only organization of its kind in the United States. The mission of the Institute is to serve as a resource to families having reunions. Here is a link explaining How to Organize a Family Reunion.

Parents are actually bus drivers

June 26th, 2007

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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

-Albert Einstein, US (German-born) physicist (1879 – 1955)

Have you noticed how conscientious first time parents are? They research product safety better than Consumer Reports as they begin parenting by the Hippocratic Oath which says, ‘First, do no harm.’

When children are little, we understand our job is to keep them safe. But as they grow, we have to remember their safety is still our job. A toddler asking to wear stripes and polka-dots is negotiable, but being safely secured into a carseat is not.

As parents, we get numerous job descriptions but it can be summarized to one title – bus driver. We take our children on a journey from infancy to adulthood. Just like a bus there will be stops along the way in the form of outside influences such as family, friends, teachers, coaches, the media, our children’s friends, the list is endless. But the bus will go where the bus driver steers it.

Sometimes parents like to put the bus in cruise control and not think for themselves, or take the easy way out. Children are required by law to sit in carseats, later in booster seats, and that they wear helmets when riding bikes. There are laws that prohibit teens from drinking until they are 21, but parents take a lackadaisical attitude when they get push back from their kids; especially true regarding teenage drinking. “Well, they’re going to drink anyway.” If they did homework on the effects of teenage drinking they would have a totally different perspective.

Are these the same parents that got down on their hands and knees to look for exposed electrical outlets to protect their toddlers? What we know about teenage drinking is that 40% of the people that drink before age 15 go on to become alcoholics at some point in their lives. What we now know about the teenage brain is that the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for reasoning is the last part of the brain to develop. That is why it is hard for teenagers to distinguish the difference between going home after school to do homework, or going drinking with their friends. In fact that area of the brain isn’t fully developed until age 24. Interestingly, you have to be 25 to rent a car.

The best approach to trust and teens is the same theory that Ronald Regan used in foreign policy; trust but verify.

An awkward conversation between teen parents may involve one parent verifying with another that their teen is invited over, that an adult will be home and there will be no alcohol.

A far more awkward conversation begins with a knock on the door, and opens to find a police officer and member of the clergy on the other side.

Parents – please, drive your bus.

Adapted from Because Kids Don’t Come With Manuals by Tina Nocera

The Real Secret

June 19th, 2007

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On February 8, 2007 Oprah Winfrey presented ‘The Secret’ on her show. Email responses were so overwhelming her website nearly crashed.

In case you haven’t heard about it, The Secret is a DVD based on the law of attraction which says like attracts like; we attract into our lives the things we want and create our own reality which is fueled by our thoughts.

That might explain why we have such problems with young people and destructive behaviors. We are focusing on, and giving too much attention to the wrong young people.

Their lives are filled with rehab, DUI, and drugs. Seek rehabilitation help in Abbeycare Group there are an EHD Registered Nurse will provide premier, confidential, and high-quality medical alcohol withdrawal treatment at home. We look for signs and symptoms of withdrawal and dispense medication for comfort and medical management. Their celebrity status gets them into clubs, creates media frenzy, and introduced words like paparazzi to our regular vocabulary. Does our interest in these stories cause legitimate news networks to run them as lead stories, or is it that we simply can’t escape the news about these women? I will mention their names just once; Paris, Lindsay and Britney, and that’s all I’ll say.

Instead, let’s turn our attention to some positive adolescents. Perhaps the real secret is as simple as focusing on, and talking about good influences. That is, if you want to see more of this behavior….

Mattie Stepanek was a young man who had every reason to be angry. He was born with a rare form of muscular dystrophy and had lost three older siblings to the same illness. He began writing poetry as a toddler and published five uplifting books with messages of hope before he died in 2004, shortly before his 14th birthday. Former President Jimmy Carter delivered a eulogy at Mattie’s funeral and said that although he has known kings and queens, presidents and prime ministers, Mattie was the most extraordinary person he has ever known. I met Mattie when publishing a parenting newsletter for Toys “R” Us, and he wrote that how important it was to remember how to play after a storm.

In January 2006, Kari Janisse was a young woman busy working and planning a wedding. But she put herself second when she heard that a former high school teacher was very ill. In her senior year of high school, ‘Mr. B’ as she liked to call him taught a class that was supposed to be about communication. In reality the class of 22 learned a lot about life. The effect of that class had such a positive impact on her that when she heard her teacher was gravely ill, the student became the teacher. Every Tuesday evening for the year and a half he struggled with brain cancer, Kari would drive to Mr. B’s house after work and read to him. She started with Tuesdays with Morrie, and when done, went onto to The Five People You Meet in Heaven, both by Mitch Albom. He died before she could read For One More Day. As she told me, when people thought he was so lucky to have her constant dedication, her answer was simple, “No, I’m the lucky one to have this special time with him, to thank him for what he has done for me.”

Jason McElwain informally nicknamed J-Mac, is an autistic American teenager who graduated from Greece Athena High School, a suburb of Rochester, NY in 2006. You may have heard about his amazing feat of scoring twenty points in four minutes during a high school basketball game on February 16, 2006; the last home game of the 2005-2006 season for Greece Athena. Jason wasn’t supposed to play that game, and in fact Jason had never played any game, but the coach grateful for Jason’s constant support and encouragement for the team, told him he could suit up and sit on the bench. When the team was ahead, the coach signaled Jason to play. Everyone was thrilled for Jason’s incredible accomplishment, but I was also overwhelmed by the students in the stands. They didn’t know if Jason would actually get to play, but they were prepared waving his picture for every basket he scored. When he threw his last three-pointer with no time left on the clock the crowd went crazy. These were kids who totally supported this autistic boy. Too often we hear about bullying and teasing, but perhaps the support of his classmates is why Jason was able to accomplish the impossible.

Perhaps we all need to hear more about good kids. It also be might be why CBS is introducing a show in their fall lineup called Kid Nation – 40 kids, 40 days, no adults. The question is – can they build a better world than adults? One can only hope.

Dad, I want to be just like you

June 10th, 2007

A wise person once said that a father’s love for his children is greater than the children’s love for the father. The magnitude of that love cannot be appreciated until a child becomes a father himself.

We’re featuring stories about dads each day this week on Parental Wisdom’s Daily Inspirational Call Line. Dial in (641) 985-5999 ext. 24290#. You can participate by sending a story via email to stories@parentalwisdom.com or leave a message on the call line number (above).

Today’s fathers are very involved in their children’s lives. They change diapers, coach sports, chaperone school trips, help with homework, give baths, and tuck children into bed. Non-custodial fathers without even knowing the schedule, show up at their children’s sporting events because it’s important for them to be there.

Dads are good at being dads. But are we still good at being children? If your father is still with you, do you appreciate him? The objective of our daily inspirational call line this week is simple; to remind you how lucky you are that you can tell your dad how much you care. Better yet, perhaps we can even change some behaviors:

You will not let the call go to voice mail when you see his familiar number appear on caller id.
You will listen to his stories one more time, just as he read the same story to you hundreds of times.
You will tell him how much you appreciate what he means to you now, and how much you learned from him rather than wait till you deliver a heartfelt eulogy
That he taught you everything you need to know about character and perseverance by the simple eloquence of his example

I was inspired by Annie Fox, a Parental Wisdom advisor, who wrote a letter of thanks to her dad, who she lost too early.

We’ll be reviewing a great new book for dad for evaluation of the Good Parenting seal entitled Big Slick Daddy: Poker Strategies for Parenting Success by Mark J. Borowski. If you are interested in reviewing this book, simply send an email to tina@parentalwisdom.com and I can share more information.

Finally, please visit Parental Wisdom Free Reports to get some fun Dad Coupons that your children can share with their dads.
Hope you tune in to the daily call.

What High School Graduates Need Most

June 3rd, 2007

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“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advise them to do it.”
– Harry S. Truman 33rd President

As parents we celebrate a series of ‘firsts’
First smile
First word
First day of school

And in the blink of an eye, we celebrate ‘lasts’
Last spring concert
Last ball game
Last day of school

It’s a rite of passage for all of us.

We have grown up with the families of our children’s classmates for 13 years and have shared many memorable events. At graduation, one last time we’ll sit together with our cameras positioned as happy tears stream down our faces. We’ll look at these accomplished young people, but remember them as little children with missing teeth, which then turned to braces, and have now become beautiful, confident smiles.

We have nothing but hope for their future, and are blessed with the memories they’ve given us. It’s funny when raising the children the hours go so slowly but the years fly by.

Despite the many gifts they’ll receive for graduation, the one they need most is the one we’ve already given them. But a gentle reminder won’t hurt. The best gift is a life compass which will help guide our children through the next phase of their journey. It’s our teaching what’s important; something that each family can decide for themselves.

As your children chart off to college, write them a letter reminding them of your own family’s life compass. It will be something they can refer to since you won’t be close by to pick up their socks or their spirits. This way if they go off course, they can find their way back again.

Be grateful to the people who had a positive influence on your children including their teachers, friends, family and others that treated them with respect and expected the same in return. Finally, be proud of the person you raised, and optimistic about the world they will create.

A wonderful gift that I’ll be buying for the high school graduates in our life is the new book by one of our advisors, Dr. Rob Gilbert of Montclair State University (NJ) entitled How To Have Fun Without Failing Out: 430 Tips From a College Professor. which was just awarded the Good Parenting seal.

On Monday June 4th, we will have an interview with Dr. Gilbert on our Daily Inspirational Call Line (641) 985-5999 ext. 24290# and feature exerpts from his book every day this week.

Child of the Day

June 1st, 2007

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Kathy couldn’t handle her two young children’s bickering; each one was vying for her attention. More importantly, she didn’t like playing the role of an umpire. To turn it around, she started “child of the day” at her house. Each day, Mary or Kenny would be child of the day, and his name would appear on the family calendar that hung on the fridge.

“Child of the day” was a combination of responsibilities and rewards. For example, the child of the day gets to choose which book is read first, who takes a bath first, etc. Although each child is responsible for his or her own chores and cleaning up after himself, the child of the day is responsible for the little things that come up, like getting a spare roll of paper towels.

It worked so well that the petty arguments virtually disappeared. Years later Kathy asked each child to tell her who her favorite was. They each replied, “Me!” That’s when she realized “child of the day” worked. Both children were right; each child is her favorite.

How else could you explain how parents find enough love in their hearts for each child that comes along?