Archive for the ‘Helping Families’ Category

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Paying our dues to be part of the village

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

jaycee

A story in the news this week horrified parents. It brings a few thoughts come to mind:
• How this happened
• What caused it to be uncovered
• And, as members of the ‘village’ what we can do to prevent it

Background
An 11-year-old girl is abducted on her way to school 18 years ago, as her step-father looked on unable to deter the kidnappers. During that period, she gives birth to two daughters fathered by her captor. She is released due to the follow through of alert security guards at the University of California at Berkeley when her captor displayed suspicious behavior while visiting the campus to distribute religious material.

Today
With new school supplies, clothes, sneakers and backpacks, families across the country are excited about the start of a new school year. At the same time, we have to question the safety of our children; specifically as it relates to walking to school. Communities trying to combat childhood obesity encourage families to allow their children to walk to school, but this story could cause major setbacks in this endeavor.

If a safe, community focused approach is taken, we can keep our kids safe, and allow them the freedom and enjoyment of walking to school. Visit International Walk to School in the USA to learn how.

Keeping all of our children safe
There is a belief that a society is judged by something called the “burning building theory.” Here’s how it works. If your child was in a burning building, no doubt you would rush in to save him. But, a society is judged by the willingness of its community members to rush in to save someone else’s child. That is where the concept of the village comes in.

If the village has any chance of working, we need to recognize we’re all in this together. A candle provides a good example of how this works. When used to light another candle, the first candle doesn’t lose its light; in fact, it intensifies. So if each one of us can take care of our own family, and do just a little bit more, we can move the village concept from a wonderful idea to reality.

Experted from Because Kids Don’t Come With Manuals® by Tina Nocera

If the security guards were not observant, or did not follow through on their suspicions, Jaycee Dugard would still be a captive.

Although most situations aren’t quite this serious, there are times where we question whether or not we should say something. Here is a recent question posed by a Parental Wisdom® member that illustrates that point.

I was looking out my window this morning, and noticed a father walking quite a distance ahead of his little girl who appeared to be about 2 years old. It was easy for a car to turn into a driveway and since the little girl was so small the car wouldn’t see her and she could have been hit, or the little girl could have run into the street. My concern is, should I have said something to him? We are all cautious of correcting other parents’ behavior, but what if something could have happened to that little girl and I didn’t point it out to the father? In light of a recent tragic crash involving a mom who apparently was driving intoxicated, I am taking the concept of accident avoidance more seriously. Your advice?

To see answers from our expert advisors, click here

What do you think? Comment below.

Posted in Family Friendly America, Helping Families, Safety, School Age | 14 Comments »

Chats with Champions

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

dr vicki
Hi!

I wanted to share a message with you from Dr. Vicki Panaccione, a Parental Wisdom advisor.

From Dr. Vicki:

I have the immense honor and pleasure to invite you to listen in on an amazing parenting call on Chats with Champions. Blair Singer, author of “Little Voice” Mastery and adviser to Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad/Poor Dad), will be interviewing me, Dr. Vicki, the Parenting Professor™, about ways to help parents be teachers – not preachers—to their kids. Blair and I are currently working on “Little Voice” Mastery for Parents, focusing on helping parents send clear, positive messages to their kids that will enable them to feel confident and capable throughout their lives.

This interview is one in a series of calls that members of Blair’s exclusive All-Access Club have available on a monthly basis. Since Blair and I want to get our message out to as many parents and professionals as possible, he is making a very generous offer so everyone can have access to this call. Now through August 31st, you can gain entry into his exclusive All-Access Club for only $1. Additionally, you will receive two free bonus downloads: Learn to be Debt-Free and Wealthy, and Code of Honor for your organization.

Below are the details for dialing in. I hope you will be able to join us for this amazing call! We are excited to be bringing his “Little Voice” Mastery insights and techniques to parents all over the world!

Dr. Vicki F. Panaccione, the Parenting Professor™
PhD, Licensed Psychologist
Founder, Better Parenting Institute
321-795-9218
http://www.BetterParentingInstitute.com

Here’s the scoop:

Want to Raise Your Child to Be Happy and Successful?

Learn how with Dr. Vicki Panaccione…the Parenting Professor™

Join Blair Singer* on his next Chats with Champions call,
where he will interview internationally renowned child
expert, Dr. Vicki Panaccione — otherwise known as the
Parenting Professor™. A Ph.D. child psychologist with
25+ years of clinical experience, Dr. Vicki will share
insights to help you become a genuine teacher–not a
preacher–to your children. Mark your calendar and be
sure to tune in to this amazing call.

Chats with Champions Call

with Dr. Vicki, the Parenting Professor™

Wednesday, August 19, 2009
5 p.m. PST; 8 p.m. EDT

http://www.heasleyandpartners.com/all-access-club-benefits.html

Dr. Vicki is a consultant for the innovative
http://parentalwisdom.com/ and Nickelodeon’s
http://www.parentsconnect.com/. She’s the author of Your Child’s Inner Brilliance…Parent’s Guideto Discovery and What Your Kids Would Tell You…If OnlyYou’d Ask!, and contributing author (with Tony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Bill Bartmann and others) of the best-selling book, Wake Up and Live the Life You Love…The Power of Team.

*Blair Singer is the author of the revolutionary new book,
“Little Voice” Mastery™ – How to Win the War Between Your
Ears in 30 Seconds or Less –and Have an Extraordinary Life!
He is founder of Little Voice Mastery Institute, the virtual
learning center that helps people move beyond their “Little
Voice” that undermines their happiness and success, to
become the bigger, more powerful people they were meant
to be. Blair now speaks to tens of thousands of people all
around the world on “Little Voice” Mastery and how it can be
applied to better your life personally and professionally. He
is also the CEO of SalesPartners Worldwide, a global network of
mentors and business builders who work one-on-one with
businesses and corporations to help them achieve double digit
growth in any economy.

Posted in Helping Families, Parenting 101 | 3 Comments »

Based on flimsy research

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

parenting1

When the family is in order, all the social relationships of mankind shall be in order.
– I Ching

I’ve watched shows like Dr. Phil where a seven-year-old is hitting and cursing at his parents and find myself wondering…how did it get that bad? It couldn’t have started out that way? Do we hope for parenting advice that at best is based on flimsy research?

Like a pull in a scarf, any problem left unresolved can unravel. As parents we face little problems on a daily basis. We have to pay attention and resolve the little problems before they get worse and overwhelm us.

That is where Parental Wisdom® comes in. In the past, parents lived in a sort of village, seeking advice from family and friends. Today’s families live further apart and deal with more complex societal issues. Parents turn to experts, but the idea of a one-size-fit all solution to parenting problems just doesn’t work if we really believe we are unique.

The traditional method of turning to family and friend for parenting advice presents a different set of problems:

Has that person had experience with that particular situation? After all, our moms didn’t raise us in the same media and marketing intense world.
If someone offers you advice and you don’t agree, now what?
Do you have to ‘report’ back to them?
And most importantly, as your child’s advocate, what if your child does something you simply don’t want to share? Then where do you turn?

To understand Parental Wisdom imagine a place where you could ask all your parenting questions, and where you, the real expert in knowing your child best, are given multiple opinions from trusted, credible sources so you can choose which advice works best for your unique child and situation.

Imagine that you can be anonymous and this unique service is free.

You have a good imagination.

Parental Wisdom is so unique, it’s patented.

    Once a parent, always a parent.

Questions start before the first baby arrives and continue well past grandchildren.

Here is an idea of some of the questions our nearly 100 expert advisors respond to:
My 18- year old son who is a high school graduate shows no responsibility….
I know baby’s cry a lot, but our newborn (6 day old) baby has cried through the night and all morning…
I have two boys that share a bedroom, closet, bunk beds, and toys. They are ages 7 and 8. When its time to clean their room, they begin arguing that they’ve cleaned up their mess but the rest is their brother’s mess…
My nine-year-old is having problems with our next door neighbor’s daughter. There is a lot of nasty name calling and sometimes it gets physical…
I have been divorced for almost 2 years and have joint/legal custody of my 4 ½ year-old daughter, while I am the primary parent of residence, our divorce decree states that we are to make medical, religion and school decisions together, however…
My 13- year old daughter has a boyfriend that I don’t like. I want to forbid her to see him but I’m afraid she will date him at school behind my back….
My 15-yr old daughter was caught cheating with her cell phone on a physics test…
At what age would you allow a child to have a Facebook?
I have an 8 yr. old son who was badly bullied in kindergarten and till this day, he still feels uncomfortable in school even though it is a different and much better school…

Where do you turn to find answers?

Here is a short video on Parental Wisdom. Please forward to your friends.

Follow me on twitter

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Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Helping Families, Parenting 101 | 7 Comments »

Today – modern villages are needed to raise a child

Saturday, March 21st, 2009

eight-babies

Not too long ago, I was presenting a parenting seminar at a local mom’s group. At the end of the discussion a very pretty and very pregnant mom raised her hand. “Does it get any easier?” In unison, all the moms in the room said, “Yes!”

It turned out this teary, exhausted mom was two weeks away from having her fourth child and busy caring for her five-year-old, three-year old, and 18-month old children, with no help.

I knew this community, and interestingly part of the town’s name was ‘the village’ so helping was second nature to them. Going out on a limb, I asked this mom if she had ever been on the ‘giving’ side. She nodded and explained how she had run a program at church that helped members in need.

Why is it easy to help others, yet difficult to ask for help?

As the African proverb suggests, it does take a village to raise a child. Today’s villages use modern tools such as Google Calendar. Volunteers sign up to make meals, coordinate trips to doctors and guarantee sufficient coverage. For families dealing with family illnesses, or financial struggles the situations are tough, but not insurmountable. They are in temporary need of help and fortunately, people rally to their aid.

Other families that need help are high profile such as ‘Jon and Kate plus 8’ and next we’ll meet The Hayes Family on TLC’s ‘Table for Twelve’ but because collectively, we like these families, they get help from sponsor companies providing vans, homes, diapers, juice, clothes, etc.

Compare that to Octomom, where simple math meets complex issues.

The simple math is:
• 0 job for the sole breadwinner
• 1 single mother
• 6 siblings
• 8 newborns
• 14 children in total
• 15 minutes of fame

The complex issues are:
• Should someone lacking the financial means have 14 children?
• Who was a right to say how many children someone can have?
• Should a potentially dangerous medical situation be allowed?
• What about everyone else who would love to have more children, but feels financially restricted have to pay for someone else’s decision to have 14 children?
• When and how often should a child advocacy agency step in to check on the care the children are getting?
• Who are we to judge?

For now, I hope the surrounding community and sponsor companies help, despite the fact that Nadya Suleman is hardly an ideal spokesperson. It’s not about her; it’s about the babies, and their needed care. Much like a teenage pregnancy, the situation is not ideal.

The controversy and questions will go on, and babies will do what they always do, grow and thrive while the adults are busy talking. We have to realize even though we seriously question her state of mind, and her ability to handle this tremendously difficult situation, she is after all, their mother.

Be kind for everyone you meet if fighting a hard battle. – Plato

Posted in Babies, community, Empathy, Helping Families, Parenting 101, Popular culture | 2 Comments »

Watering the Money Tree as we explain our Country’s Economic Woes to our Children

Sunday, September 28th, 2008

Brown legal size envelopes, edges worn with age and use would make their monthly appearance. Each outer label would indicate where the money would go. This is how I remember my father dealing with the family finances. In those days, people were not in personal debt the way they are today. They waited until money filled the ‘wish list’ envelope so they could actually afford what it is they wished for.

“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. “ – e.e. cummings U.S. poet (1894-1962)

Exerpted from Because Kids Don’t Come With Manuals®

When asked to inscribe my book, it’s always the same, “Spend half as much money, and twice as much time with your children.”

Never has that been more true than today given the current state of the economy. Rather than feeling helpless, use this as an opportunity to teach your children an important life lesson – how to handle money.

As soon as children can understand, begin to discuss wants vs. needs. You can present that distinction during dinner; you need food, but you want dessert. “Happiness does not consist of having what you want, but wanting what you have.” – Confucius

Give children an allowance so they learn how to manage their own money. Be sure to setup a bank account in their name.

The family is a child’s first and most important experience in belonging. For that reason, make sure children have chores which you can find on Parental Wisdom.

Be a good role model. Teach your children how you manage the household budget and pay bills.

Instead of clothes or toys or electronics, consider family outings or time spent together as a way to reward children.

Encourage your child to select a favorite charity and to spend time and money on that charity.

Counter the overwhelming marketing of licensed products and walk down the aisle with your kids showing the different price of the plain notebook or the one with Hannah Montana®, High School Musical®, Cars®, etc.

Keep the change. A great way to demonstrate how pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters add up is to put the change from your pocket/pocketbook at the end of each day in a large jar. Don’t go to a bank where you dump in the contents and leave with cash. Instead, consider the old fashioned way of sorting and rolling the coins yourself. Make a guessing game of the total and then vote on what to do with the savings. Studies have shown the best conversations with kids happen during an activity.

Make it a practice for everything new that comes into the house, you remove something; preferably giving something to charity. “It’s possible to own too much. A man with one watch always knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.” – Lee Segall

Involve your children in purchasing activities. With their comfort level in navigating the Internet, you may be surprised how they can investigate the best purchases, especially when it comes to electronic purchases.

Discuss whether or not teens can handle a part-time job without neglecting schoolwork. Have teens set financial goals such as saving for a car.

Explain to students going off to college that credit cards shouldn’t necessarily be banned, but spending must be handled properly. According to a survey in USA Today, college seniors are more worried about debt than terrorism.

Despite conventional thinking you are not defined by what you do, but who you are and how you live your life. If you are at risk for losing your job, make sure you’re kids know that.

As always, the best lessons come from the wisdom of the past and nothing says this better than the following quote:

“The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced if the nation doesn’t want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. “

-Cicero, 55 BC

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Posted in Helping Families, Media & Marketing, Money & Material Things | 6 Comments »

The Promise of a New School Year

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Each new school brings brand new sneakers, book bags and promise. Children start the school year with an A+; they have to keep it. Parents can help in a number of ways.

1. Plan ahead to reduce family stress
Whether it is the weekly meal menu, healthy lunch boxes, or having the school wardrobe ready, it’s always better to plan ahead. Include your children in the planning whenever possible. Rushing through the start of a day can easily spiral out of control.

2. Everything in it’s place
Keys, school papers, book bags, sports equipment, and musical instruments should all have a specific place in the house. Though parents can create the organization, kids need to maintain it. To help kids learn organization, consider purchasing Get Organized Without Losing It written for late elementary through middle grade. It has lots of kid-friendly humor and is written by Parental Wisdom advisor Janet Fox.

3. Set your children up for success
Studies continually show that children that each a good breakfast with lots of protein can concentrate better in school. Get them up a little earlier to start the day right.

4. Provide a study spot
a. Have school supplies in a place that is quiet and free from distractions.
b. Teach them about budgeting their time so projects are ready, not rushed.
c. Review (not do) their homework so you know what is going on at school.
d. Make sure you dig deep into book bags so you can read all school notes.

5. Don’t wait for a red flag or a bad report card before recognizing a struggling student. Contact the teacher before your child gets too far behind.

6. Encourage safety
a. If your child walks to school, make sure he knows how to obey traffic rules.
b. If she rides a bike, be sure she wears a helmet.
c. If he rides the bus, make sure the school district has installed seat belts.
d. Children can only learn if they feel safe. If your child is being bullied, discuss the situation with school officials and insist school programs that teach tolerance and inclusion such as Operation Respect. They offer free programs to schools.

7. Don’t let over-scheduling take away your precious family time. Limit the number of activities you allow your child to participate in.

8. Have dinner together every night. Use this a way for your family to stay connected and to let your children know they belong. Read more about Family Day, which is September 22nd. Pay attention to which subjects and teachers your child talks about. Often those are the teachers that have the most profound impact on your child. Write the teacher a note to let them know their influence.

9. Create an environment for lifelong learning, and teach your children that lessons can easily extend beyond the classroom. Extracurricular and family activities are good ways to help your child learn new things and gain confidence in his or her abilities.

10. Stay involved in your child’s school and participate especially when opportunities arise to meet your child’s classmates such as book fairs or school trips.

11. Keep in touch with your children’s teachers and let them know of any situation that may affect your child in school such as a family illness, recent move, job loss or divorce.

12. When your children challenge your family rules, as compared to their friends’ houses, such as no TV during the week, explain clearly but firmly that things are done differently in your house.

13. Routines are important to children as it helps them feel secure. Consistency is key when it come to bath time, reading and bedtime.

14. Remember you are preparing our next workforce generation. Be sure to instill the importance of showing up and not let your children stay home from school unless it’s absolutely necessary. In the same respect, make sure they understand that being on time is equally important.

15. Make learning real. Show how school skills are needed for such day-to-day activities as cooking from a recipe, balancing a checkbook and writing thank-you notes.

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Posted in Bullying, Family, Healthy Lifestyle, Helping Families, Parenting 101, Safety, School Age, Stress | 30 Comments »

Pee Pee Targets

Sunday, June 1st, 2008

Pop quiz

Question: What do toilet training targets have to do with census data?

Answer: Everything.

We start early by giving our kids rewards for doing things they should do. We understood this sort of positive reinforcement encourages children to do the behaviors that we want them to do.

Ah! Therein lies the problem, the word behaviors. Are we raising children or seals?

Somewhere in this generation of parenting, we were told that giving children things to get them to do things was a good idea.

It is not. It is a terrible idea.

To make matters worse the concept of rewards for doing things you should do is creeping into all areas of our life.

School districts are rewarding children for grades by giving them monetary incentives. I was never in favor of giving kids money for good grades and now school districts are doing this.

I remember hosting a school clean up while PTO president as a way to have families connect with each other. A 4th grader, who had just swept the steps came over and told me, “I’m done, what do I get?” I replied, “The good feeling that comes with a job well done.” He was surprised that there wasn’t a ribbon or sticker or trophy.

Companies reward people for doing the job they are supposed to do. Isn’t a job an agreement to do certain tasks for a certain salary? If that is the case, then rewards only come into play when the job objectives are exceeded, not met.

More recently, the Census Bureau is looking at ways to increase the response rate, including the use of prizes as an incentive. The incentives can include winning an iPod, getting a Starbucks gift certificate or cash.

We have lost our minds. The reward for doing anything is intrinsic. The reward for your child getting good grades is about how he feels about working hard or even trying his best to get well deserved grades. The reward about peeing in the potty is that great feeling that comes with learning something new.

Whether the reward is stickers or candy or money please think about this. How and when will you wean them off the reward and simply get them to do the right thing?

After all, isn’t teaching our kids to do the right thing is a key objective of parenting?

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Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Helping Families, Media & Marketing, Money & Material Things, Parenting 101, Self Esteem | 3 Comments »

Who’s to say when you should mind your own business

Sunday, May 25th, 2008

While in a PG13 rated movie splattered with gratuitous violence, you witness a parent slapping a toddler knowing full well the toddler is smart enough to know he shouldn’t even be watching the movie.

While parking your car in a Dunkin’ Donuts lot, you see two young children with the window opened just a crack as their mom stands on the long line for coffee.

Selfish parenting, child abuse and neglect is not only about broken bones, bruises and abandonment. With the publicity surrounding the Texas polygamist-sect kids, one has to wonder exactly what does constitute a reason to step in.
The Third Court of Appeals in Austin ruled that the state offered “legally and factually insufficient” grounds for the “extreme” measure of removing all children from the ranch, from babies to teenagers.

The state never provided evidence that the children were in any immediate danger, the only grounds in Texas law for taking children from their parents without court approval, the appeals court said.

Think about the everyday situations you encounter where you aren’t certain if you should say something with the slight chance your response will be met positively; far more likely that you will be told to mind your own business.

The question is when is it our business? If the courts can’t figure it out – how can we?

Your thoughts? Please leave a comment, I’m really interested in what you have to say.

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Posted in Empathy, Helping Families, Safety | 3 Comments »

Mandatory Parenting Classes? Who’s Teaching?

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

If Rockland County Legislator Jacques Michel, D-Spring Valley has his way, before couples can walk down the aisle they will be required to take parenting classes.

Three questions comes to my mind
1. Who’s teaching?
2. If we truly believe that every individual is unique, then we have an unlimited number of unique possiblilies. How can we possibly predict on the right way to parent considering that each person was parented differently?
3. Why assume that all people planning for marriage even want children? In a perfect world, people wouldn’t have children because it would be the next logical phase in their lives, or because they got tired of people asking them when they were planning to start a family.

The best reason to have children is because you really want children and have clearly thought through the decision.

The beginning is the most important part of any work. – Plato

But how do you think through something as unique as the experience of parenting? It begins with knowing yourself. This short list of questions may be helpful to review before you decide to have children.

10 Things to Consider Before You Have Children…

1. Would you want to have you as a parent?
2. Have there been times when you could have been more generous?
3. Do you treat the people that matter in your life as well as you should?
4. Is your relationship with your spouse strong enought to withstand the stress of children?
5. What sacrifices are you willing to make to be able to afford children?
6. What family traditions will you carry on, and what new traditions will you both create together?
7. What is your idea of quality family time?
8. How will you decide how to share family holidays?
9. Do you believe it is your job as a parent to tell a child what to think or how to think?
10. Is there something about your spouse that makes you look forward to becoming a parent, or is there something that has you concerned?

Exerpted from Because Kids Don’t Come With Manuals®: Contemporary Advice for Parents by Tina Nocera

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Posted in Divorce, Helping Families, Marriage, Parenting 101 | No Comments »

Another Reason Families Love Steven Spielberg

Monday, May 12th, 2008

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPTJ4v6KPrg]

Tell me a fact and I’ll learn,
Tell me a truth and I’ll believe,
But tell me story and it will live in my heart forever.

-Indian Proverb

One of the many happy memories I have of my children when they were little, was my son Michael walking around town with a Fedora as shopkeepers would call out, “Hi Indy.” My son loved the Indiana Jones movies so much, that at four-years of age, he wanted to be an archaeologist-adventurer.

A good story teller gets you to believe. As a family, together we enjoyed every movie Steven Spielberg made because you were told a great story and felt a part of that story.

Last night, with children now young adults, we went to the movies and saw the trailer for the new Indiana Jones movie with a fully grown Indiana Jones – and we can’t wait to once again enjoy it together.

Tina Nocera, Founder
Parental Wisdom

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Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Helping Families, Play, Popular culture | 3 Comments »

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