Parental Wisdom® by Tina Nocera

There’s Always Room for Jello

July 31st, 2009

hopscotch
Do you realize there is a food to eat even when we’re stuffed? That slogan became part of a culture ingrained with so much, that even in excess we want more.

The summer provides an opportunity to illustrate that less equals more. With school out and a naturally slower pace, let’s take advantage of that.

Less scheduled activities = more time
Less homework = more teachable moments
Less structure = more playfulness
Less indoors = more nature
Less planning = more spontaneity
Less stuff = more substance

In an age of cellphones, texting, email and videogames, the past looks like fun. Here are some ideas before the summer totally escapes us, to have simply wonderful fun with your children. The best ideas may very well come from memories of your own childhood.

Build a fort
Catch lightning bugs
Fly a kite
Hangman
Hopscotch
Hula hoops
Jump rope
Make (but don’t eat) mudpies
Marco Polo
Monkey in the middle
Planting vegetables, fruits, flowers, anything…
Play a pickup game of baseball, basketball, soccer
Play Capture the Flag
Red light, green light
Ride bikes
Simon says
Sleep under the stars
Stop and go dancing
Tug-of-War

[polldaddy poll=1833036]

What ideas can you add? Comment below

For more ideas visit Games Kids Play

Play is the way a child learns what no one can teach him. – Lawrence K. Frank

Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Media & Marketing, Money & Material Things, Play | 3 Comments »

Perfect Example of a Missed Opportunity

June 23rd, 2009

madd

In a less than courageous move, the South Plainfield NJ Board of Education reversed a decision by school administrators to ban from the graduation ceremony a group of students who came drunk to the prom. Students signed a pledge to arrive at their prom alcohol-free but at least some came “visibly inebriated,” a spokesperson said.

The students’ parents protested the ruling and threatened to take the issue to the state commissioner of education. The board then reversed the decision.

I don’t blame the Board of Education for not having a backbone, though it is obvious. I blame the parents for not having the wisdom teach their children a life lesson so valuable it could actually save their lives.

The question a parent should always ask is, “what is the worst that could happen?” For parents of the students that had the nerve to come to the prom drunk might actually cause them to learn about consequences.

Let’s focus instead on the majority of the students in South Plainfield High who deserve to enjoy this wonderful milestone despite this minority of the student population creating such a distraction.

Kudos to the teachers who are fed up with a system that caves to loud parents who don’t seem to know any better.

This could be urban legend, but the following is supposedly the answering machine message the Pacific Palisades High School (CA) staff voted to record on their school answering machine system. This came about because the school implemented a policy requiring parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15 to 30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

“Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent, press 1
□ To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, press 2
□ To complain about what we do, press 3
□ To swear at staff members, press 4
□ To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, press 5
□ If you want us to raise your child, press 6
□ If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone, press 7
□ To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8
□ To complain about bus transportation, press 9
□ To complain about school lunches, press 0
□ If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, and homework, and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort…hang up and have a nice day!”

We have a bill of rights. We need a bill of responsibilities. -Bill Maher

Exerpted from Because Kids Don’t Come with Manuals®:Contemporary Advice for Parents by Tina Nocera

What do you think about this issue?

Posted in Education, Parenting 101, Popular culture, Teens | 10 Comments »

Are You Not Entertained?

June 13th, 2009

gladiator

Standing on the checkout line at the supermarket I can’t help but wonder…what if aliens landed here in search for intelligent life and turned to the media? They would see a civilization poised to watch the ups and downs in scrutizing detail of other people’s lives.

This reminds me of that great scene in Gladiator where Russell Crowe (who looked amazing by the way) turned to the crowd after killing his tenth consecutive opponent and cried out, “Are you not entertained?”

Why are we fascinated with the lives of other people, especially the challenges they go through. I don’t get reality TV, especially why you would let someone else with a camera crew of a dozen people into the privacy of your home and your life? Our words do not match our actions. Ask people what is most important to them and they will immediately reply, “My family!” Ok, so then why would you put them on display? For what purpose?

Sorry folks, but you will never see my family’s reality show, and I won’t be watching theirs. I’m making the choice to focus on living our best life.

Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Healthy Lifestyle, Media & Marketing, Popular culture | 5 Comments »

Let’s think…do we want our kids to have more books or toys?

June 8th, 2009

books

In today’s USA Today, the cover page article Teachers snub Scholastic Toys should be read by all parents. Teachers are concerned that Scholastic may be taking advantage of the access to our school children. The intention was to provide books at low cost to our children to encourage an interest in reading. But the catalog seems to be catering more and more to toys, and branded products.

One teacher said that she didn’t care if children get a SpongeBob toy, as long as they read. I totally disagree – – we are giving our children too many material things so they will do something else, like reading. What that does it create an extrinsic reward when the opportunity to read is itself a reward. Additionally, all this licensed and branded products takes away our childrens’ natural creative ability. They don’t have to dream the day away creating the next cartoon character – – they find quiet and white paper to create their own great cartoon characters.

Honestly folks, look around. Do your children really need another toy?

Posted in Creativity, Education, Media & Marketing, Money & Material Things | 2 Comments »

Based on flimsy research

April 26th, 2009

parenting1

When the family is in order, all the social relationships of mankind shall be in order.
– I Ching

I’ve watched shows like Dr. Phil where a seven-year-old is hitting and cursing at his parents and find myself wondering…how did it get that bad? It couldn’t have started out that way? Do we hope for parenting advice that at best is based on flimsy research?

Like a pull in a scarf, any problem left unresolved can unravel. As parents we face little problems on a daily basis. We have to pay attention and resolve the little problems before they get worse and overwhelm us.

That is where Parental Wisdom® comes in. In the past, parents lived in a sort of village, seeking advice from family and friends. Today’s families live further apart and deal with more complex societal issues. Parents turn to experts, but the idea of a one-size-fit all solution to parenting problems just doesn’t work if we really believe we are unique.

The traditional method of turning to family and friend for parenting advice presents a different set of problems:

Has that person had experience with that particular situation? After all, our moms didn’t raise us in the same media and marketing intense world.
If someone offers you advice and you don’t agree, now what?
Do you have to ‘report’ back to them?
And most importantly, as your child’s advocate, what if your child does something you simply don’t want to share? Then where do you turn?

To understand Parental Wisdom imagine a place where you could ask all your parenting questions, and where you, the real expert in knowing your child best, are given multiple opinions from trusted, credible sources so you can choose which advice works best for your unique child and situation.

Imagine that you can be anonymous and this unique service is free.

You have a good imagination.

Parental Wisdom is so unique, it’s patented.

Once a parent, always a parent

Questions start before the first baby arrives and continue well past grandchildren.

Here is an idea of some of the questions our nearly 100 expert advisors respond to:
My 18- year old son who is a high school graduate shows no responsibility….
I know baby’s cry a lot, but our newborn (6 day old) baby has cried through the night and all morning…
I have two boys that share a bedroom, closet, bunk beds, and toys. They are ages 7 and 8. When its time to clean their room, they begin arguing that they’ve cleaned up their mess but the rest is their brother’s mess…
My nine-year-old is having problems with our next door neighbor’s daughter. There is a lot of nasty name calling and sometimes it gets physical…
I have been divorced for almost 2 years and have joint/legal custody of my 4 ½ year-old daughter, while I am the primary parent of residence, our divorce decree states that we are to make medical, religion and school decisions together, however…
My 13- year old daughter has a boyfriend that I don’t like. I want to forbid her to see him but I’m afraid she will date him at school behind my back….
My 15-yr old daughter was caught cheating with her cell phone on a physics test…
At what age would you allow a child to have a Facebook?
I have an 8 yr. old son who was badly bullied in kindergarten and till this day, he still feels uncomfortable in school even though it is a different and much better school…

Where do you turn to find answers?

Here is a short video on Parental Wisdom. Please forward to your friends.

Follow me on twitter

Tags: parenting, village, websites
Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Helping Families, Parenting 101 | 7 Comments »

Today – modern villages are needed to raise a child

March 21st, 2009

eight-babies

Not too long ago, I was presenting a parenting seminar at a local mom’s group. At the end of the discussion a very pretty and very pregnant mom raised her hand. “Does it get any easier?” In unison, all the moms in the room said, “Yes!”

It turned out this teary, exhausted mom was two weeks away from having her fourth child and busy caring for her five-year-old, three-year old, and 18-month old children, with no help.

I knew this community, and interestingly part of the town’s name was ‘the village’ so helping was second nature to them. Going out on a limb, I asked this mom if she had ever been on the ‘giving’ side. She nodded and explained how she had run a program at church that helped members in need.

Why is it easy to help others, yet difficult to ask for help?

As the African proverb suggests, it does take a village to raise a child. Today’s villages use modern tools such as Google Calendar. Volunteers sign up to make meals, coordinate trips to doctors and guarantee sufficient coverage. For families dealing with family illnesses, or financial struggles the situations are tough, but not insurmountable. They are in temporary need of help and fortunately, people rally to their aid.

Other families that need help are high profile such as ‘Jon and Kate plus 8’ and next we’ll meet The Hayes Family on TLC’s ‘Table for Twelve’ but because collectively, we like these families, they get help from sponsor companies providing vans, homes, diapers, juice, clothes, etc.

Compare that to Octomom, where simple math meets complex issues.

The simple math is:
• 0 job for the sole breadwinner
• 1 single mother
• 6 siblings
• 8 newborns
• 14 children in total
• 15 minutes of fame

The complex issues are:
• Should someone lacking the financial means have 14 children?
• Who was a right to say how many children someone can have?
• Should a potentially dangerous medical situation be allowed?
• What about everyone else who would love to have more children, but feels financially restricted have to pay for someone else’s decision to have 14 children?
• When and how often should a child advocacy agency step in to check on the care the children are getting?
• Who are we to judge?

For now, I hope the surrounding community and sponsor companies help, despite the fact that Nadya Suleman is hardly an ideal spokesperson. It’s not about her; it’s about the babies, and their needed care. Much like a teenage pregnancy, the situation is not ideal.

The controversy and questions will go on, and babies will do what they always do, grow and thrive while the adults are busy talking. We have to realize even though we seriously question her state of mind, and her ability to handle this tremendously difficult situation, she is after all, their mother.

Be kind for everyone you meet if fighting a hard battle. – Plato

Posted in Babies, community, Empathy, Helping Families, Parenting 101, Popular culture | 2 Comments »

Your Home: A Sanctuary That Needs TLC (Tender Loving Care)

February 21st, 2009

Our homes are more than just addresses on a map; they’re sanctuaries where we unwind, recharge, and build memories. But just like our bodies, our houses need constant care to function at their best. In today’s world, with an emphasis on well-being, sustainability, and even changing economic realities, prioritizing home improvement is no longer a “maybe,” it’s a must.

Here’s why keeping your house in top shape and embracing smart improvements should be a top priority:

1. A Healthy Haven for You and Your Loved Ones:

Ignoring minor issues can snowball into major health hazards. Leaky pipes can lead to mold growth, triggering respiratory problems and allergies. Faulty electrical wiring can spark fires, while structural damage can compromise the integrity of your home. Addressing these issues promptly ensures a safe and healthy environment for everyone living there.

2. Investing in Your Future:

Think of regular maintenance as preventative medicine for your house. Fixing minor problems now prevents them from becoming expensive repairs later. A well-maintained home also retains its value better, making it a wise financial decision in the long run.

3. Saving Money and the Planet:

Upgrading windows, doors, and insulation can significantly improve your home’s energy efficiency. This translates to substantial savings on your utility bills, especially with today’s fluctuating energy costs. Additionally, a more energy-efficient home reduces your environmental impact, making it a win-win for your wallet and the planet.

4. From Function to Flourishing:

Let’s not forget the sheer joy of living in a comfortable and inviting space. Investing in improvements that enhance your day-to-day life, like creating a dedicated home office nook or increasing storage for a clutter-free environment, can significantly boost your well-being. A well-designed and organized home can minimize stress and allow you to truly unwind after a long day.

5. Adapting to the Changing Landscape:

The way we live in our homes is constantly evolving. Working remotely has become increasingly common, and creating dedicated workspaces within our homes is a necessity. Smart home technology features can enhance security, control your environment, and even optimize energy usage.

Making Smart Choices for Your Home

With ever-changing economic realities, it’s important to prioritize projects that offer a strong return on investment (ROI). Focus on repairs that address major structural issues or safety concerns first, you can get the best contractors like www.ApdrRestoration.com for the most important repairs. Then, consider improvements that can enhance energy efficiency or create a more functional living space. Many government initiatives and rebates might also be available to help offset the cost of home improvement projects, so be sure to do your research.

Your home is an extension of yourself, a reflection of your lifestyle and aspirations. By investing in its maintenance and improvement, you’re creating a healthy, safe, and comfortable haven that will enrich your life for years to come. So, embrace the journey of transforming your house into a true home, whether you tackle projects yourself or call in the experts. Remember, a little TLC goes a long way!

Tags: Accountability, Responsibility
Posted in About Parental Wisdom, Media & Marketing, Money & Material Things, Parenting 101, Persistence, Popular culture | 7 Comments »

Remove the locks – they are not working: robbers still rob

February 9th, 2009

locks

Researchers found that crimes committed by sex offenders have not been reduced as a result of Megan’s Law questioning the $5.1 million cost since 2007.

That’s like saying locks don’t deter burglars, so we shouldn’t spend the money on installing locks on doors.

The intention of the law is to alert parents to sex offenders living in their communities, not to stop the behavior of sex offenders.

The wrong questions are being asked. Where is the $5.1 million being spent, and if the issue is awareness, can it be done differently or more cost effectively? Fortunately, State Sen. Bill Baroni said the study “completely misses the point.”

Deborah Jacobs, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of New Jersey, called such laws, “political Band-Aids that don’t stay on.” She suggests instead that we help the victims.

No, Ms. Jacobs – let parents protect their children from offenders so they don’t become victims.

As to the proper use of $5.1 million – use the power of what all moms know, Word of Mouse to create awareness, and reduce your budget.

Posted in Safety | No Comments »

I resolve to – New Year, New Start, New Parenting Resolutions

December 31st, 2008

new-years-baby

December 31st is often about reflecting on the past year while resolving to have a better tomorrow.

But are we really transformed by a date on a calendar or is a change in habit more sustainable? Are we better learning something new or simply applying the wisdom we’ve gained?

I guarantee there is nothing on this list about being a better parent that you don’t already know…

1. Respect your children. When they display a quality you are proud of, tell them in very specific terms.
2. Listen to your children. Demonstrate eye contact and active listening which builds social skills.
3. How well do you know your child? Ask them their favorite color, story, or what they dream about. Encourage them to share their feelings.
4. Play and laugh more. We love to check off things on our to-do list forgetting the most important things aren’t things at all.
5. Lower your standards. In an achievement oriented world, this statement doesn’t fit. But who’s setting the standards and what’s their agenda? Set your own long range goal to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. That doesn’t mean a perfect child but rather one that is perfectly normal.
6. Let go. We all struggle with protection paranoia. What you really want is to teach your kids resilience and the ability to bounce back from a mistake. You don’t drown by falling in water, but by staying there.
7. Grow with them and encourage your family to do the same. The best thing we can learn from our children is their ability to learn new things. That means they are not the same kids they were last year. Appreciate that, recognize that, learn from that and point it out to extended family.
8. Point out life lessons. With the constant news reports of the economy in a tailspin, point out to your children that perhaps we were all a little too greedy. The challenges we’re facing were in many ways self inflicted and need time to balance out. Talk about what it was like when you were growing up and managed to survived with so much less.
9. Plan more adult time. The airlines got it right – put on your oxygen mask before you put on your child’s. Take time as a couple and take time as a person to take care of yourself. You’ll do a better job as a parent if the world doesn’t revolve around your children.
10. Make family dinners a priority. When speaking at a Principal’s conference on getting better parent attendance at school events, I suggested that the school administrators understand the best place parents can be at night is home with their families. The schools should think out of the box on different ways to communicate and get their message out. Family dinners are one of the best ways to let the most important people in your life that you mean it.

Like I said, nothing new.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in About Parental Wisdom | 2 Comments »