Archive for the ‘Helping Families’ Category

Stop Digging

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

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Actually, stop digging is the answer. The question – what do you do when you find yourself in a hole?

Britney Spears didn’t stop digging. In fact she may have gone so far as to channel her inner Elvis.

Like Elvis, she was talented but surrounded herself with people that enabled her, agreed with what ever she said, and decided although she chose to have children; it wasn’t yet time for her to grow up herself.

Wrong.

If you feel sorry for her, don’t.

When you have children, you don’t necessarily have to come last, but you don’t come first either.

Perhaps it would have helped if she had read my book Because Kids Don’t Come With Manuals®: Contemporary Advice for Parents.

She could have seen 10 Things to Consider BEFORE Having Children… It is listed here:

10 Things to Consider BEFORE Having Children…

1. Would you want to have you as a parent?
2. Have there been times when you could have been more generous?
3. Do you treat the people that matter in your life as well as you should?
4. Is your relationship with your spouse strong enough to withstand the stress of children?
5. What sacrifices are you willing to make to be able to afford children?
6. What family traditions will you carry on, and what new traditions will you both create together?
7. What is your idea of quality family time?
8. How will you decide how to share family holidays?
9. Do you believe it is your job as a parent to tell a child what to think or how to think?
10. Is there something about your spouse that makes you look forward to becoming a parent, or is there something that has you concerned?

To receive a printable version of this list, simply visit Parental Wisdom and enter your e-mail address to get this free report.

Thank goodness the legal system acted in the best interest of the children.

We all know that although it is a lot of work to raise a child, it is still easier to build a child than it is to repair an adult.

The Beauty of Other People’s Mistakes

Sunday, May 13th, 2007

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This same message can be heard on the Parental Wisdom Daily Inspirational Call (641) 985-5999 ext. 24290#

Do you know what the definition of a consultant is? It is a person who borrows your watch, tells you the time, returns your watch and bills you for the information. Information, I might add that you could have easily gotten on your own.

I can make jokes about that because I frequently consult. You see the value of consulting is usually proving what people already think.

Parents don’t often realize how much they act as consultants. They can be out in public, at school, sports functions or family events and they are often observing others working at the craft of parenting, and the results that follow.

It is easy for us to stand back and watch as another parent gives in to the 28th request for candy at the checkout line, smugly thinking ‘Well, that is the problem right there’. The child just needed a consistent and clear NO and the problem would have been solved. You may be thinking that , when in reality given the same situation you might have reacted the same way?

With the news media so focused on celebrity parenting, we have had yet again our share of learning what we can better.

David Hasselhoff’s 16-year-old daughter Taylor filmed her drunken father on the floor, asking him to promise to stop drinking.

Alec Baldwin’s telephone rant that will forever associate his little girl to being a rude pig.

Paris Hilton’s mom who failed to explain responsibility and consequences.

It’s easier to see some mistakes more than others. It is even smarter to learn from them.

Any family that has been torn apart by alcohol abuse can understand Taylor Hasselhoff’s heartbreaking pain. The video might make a difference and change behavior to a parent battling alcohol to see that their actions have a tremendous impact of the entire family.

Couples battling custody issues might realize how hurtful, damaging and foolish their war is.

And what parent doesn’t realize how unfair it is not to hold our children responsible for their actions by watching the antics of Paris Hilton.

Yes parents can do what consultants do – look in the window of the lives of others and point out the obvious – a better way to do things.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

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This mother’s day let’s salute and thank all the mom’s who continue to work at this job every day. Let’s go a step further and give them some help.

Husbands, give your wives understanding and support. Real men do change diapers. Some of the best presents are heartfelt expressions of love and appreciation for specific things she does.

Employers, recognize the fact that if you want a good future work force, it is the mothers of this country that will help you realize that goal. They can’t do that if they are working unrealistic hours, because they need to be with their children to be an influence on them. Be more creative. We get it that you goal is to be profitable. We can help you do that. Consider job sharing and flexible hours at every level in your organization. Two part time moms just might be more effective than one full time mom. Give new moms time to spend with their newborn babies, even encourage them to do so by making it possible with paid family leave.

Educators instead of telling parents what their children cannot do, tell them what their children can do. Parents do want to be part of their children’s education, but recognize that today’s family is different than previous generations. If parents aren’t coming into school for meetings and events, you might want think of inventive ways of communicating with them; possibly free conference call services that are available like Telejunctions.

Legislators listen to us, we know what we’re talking about. We are your mothers. Pay attention when we talk about curbing drunk driving and tighter gun laws. Stop talking about American Family Values and do something about it. Parents know what your legislators are doing visit and look up Paid Leave Activity in Other States and be sure to read the report on balancing work and family which proves why paid family leave makes sense.

Moms give other moms encouragement and when possible, the gift of time.

Children, what mothers want most for mother’s day is for you to be healthy and happy. But there are also some great mom coupons that you can make up. Here are a few ideas, breakfast in bed, cleaning up your room without being asked, taking the dog out, taking out the garbage, and anything else that requires taking out. Be imaginative and look around at the things your mom does and help her do it. You’ll find coupon templates under free reports on Parental Wisdom.

Happy Mothers’ Day and have a great weekend, especially to all you wonderful moms out there. I’ll talk to you on Monday. Leave a comment after the beep or post a comment on the PW blog.

This message can also be heard on the Parental Wisdom Daily Inspirational Call Line – (641) 985-5999 ext. 24290#

The Definition of Insanity

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

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Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein, (attributed) US (German-born) physicist (1879 – 1955)

I’m not sure how we expect things to get better when we aren’t doing anything differently. We have to understand a problem before we can fix it. Unfortunately, we aren’t giving current problems enough attention to actually fix them, so they come back to haunt us.

What you’ll see below is our child-like ability to be easily distracted by the next big news story. Let’s step back a few years and look at the news stories just before 9/11.

In the year 2000, we were watching a million moms march to protect us from gun violence, but that lost news coverage.

If you recall, that summer prior to 9/11 was the summer of shark attacks. Did we ever figure out what prompted the attacks?

That is until the search for missing former intern Chandra Levy focused the spotlight on U.S. Rep. Gary Condit. Did we ever figure out who killed Chandra Levy?

The mystery with Chandra Levy’s disappearance was dramatically overshadowed by the 9/11 attacks; also know as the day the world changed. Did we ever find Osama Bin Laden?

In more recent news we had a series of child abductions where both 13-year-old Ben Ownby and 15-year-old Shawn Hornbeck were found at an apartment in Kirkwood, miles from the rural locations where the boys disappeared 4 1/2 years apart, but we still don’t protect our children well enough from predators.

That story was overshadowed by a diaper clad Lisa Nowak, a Navy captain, accused of accosting Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, 30, in the parking lot of Orlando International Airport early Monday and spraying her with pepper spray.

The astronaut story was overshadowed by the death of Anna Nicole Smith which took over the headlines for a very long time.

Which was then overshadowed by Don Imus’s comments about the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team. These were not new comments or new problems – just news. But we are distracted once again, and won’t stop to resolve the root cause of the Imus comments or racial tension that still exists.

Because the Imus comments were overshadowed by the shootings at Virgina Tech which just seem to bring us back to the first line of this blog – protecting us against gun violence.


We certainly qualify under Einstein’s definition of insanity.

Marketing Apples to Stop Childhood Obesity

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

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My six-year old nephew Gerard didn’t know what he wanted for Christmas, so I asked if he liked any of the toys he saw on TV commercials. “There are no toy commercials, Aunt Tina,” he said, “Only food commercials.” That conversation happened about four years ago.

The Kaiser Family Foundation has just released a study entitled Food for Thought: Television Food Advertising to Children in the United States which proves what my nephew and all kids knew for a long time. They are targets for food commercials. Up to now, the governments’ position was that they can’t regulate parenting which they felt was the real problem contributing to the increase in childhood obesity. After all, there was no quantifiable data. They now have such information.

New Study Finds That Food is the Top Product Seen Advertised by Children – Among All Children, Tweens See the Most Food Ads at More than 20 a Day
34% of All Food Ads Targeting Children or Teens are for Candy and Snacks
Half of All Ads Shown During Children’s Shows are for Food

Types of Food Advertised. Of all food ads in the study that target children or teens, 34% are for candy and snacks, 28% are for cereal, and 10% are for fast foods. Four percent are for dairy products and 1% for fruit juices. Of the 8,854 ads reviewed in the study, there were none for fruits or vegetables targeting children or teens.

Follow the Money

Decades ago, an anonymous source known only as Deep Throat told Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein to “Follow the money” which led them to expose the Watergate cover-up. That advice still works.

Follow the money to cure the childhood obesity problem. Let’s find a way for marketers to make money from healthy foods and our problem is solved.

To see a slide presentation.

What You Do Matters

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

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Yet again, parents have taken up sides in the mommy wars as a result of the media’s sound bite reporting on a child care study. “Study ties day care to some behavioral problems” was blasted across the news the other day, with some news broadcasters giving parents a clear choice; either you stay at home which may pose financial risk, or you and leave your child in daycare which could cause future behavior problem.

Are those my only choices?

I believe that what parents do matters more than anything else. Again, I find myself thinking that we’re asking the wrong question. The experts agree that a nurturing, quality day care setting would be beneficial to a child. So let’s provide more access affordable, quality child care. Provide tax incentives for employers to create job sharing, allowing parents to work part-time, which would require less time children were in child care settings.

Good day care is good for kids, while bad day care is bad for kids, but much like the education system, day care cannot bear the burden without including parents in the equation. What parents do really matters. One of the things parents do is to search for good quality day care, by asking the right questions.

Child Care Aware which has wonderful free publications they can send to you, or you can call their toll free number 1-800-424-2246.

The best way to find quality day care is through a recommendation of someone you know and to visit the day care facility yourself and meet with the director. You should also observe the setting. Children should look comfortable and happy in the setting.

Here are some good starter questions to ask. Please add your own.

1. Can I drop in anytime?
2. Are there opportunities for parent (or grandparent) participation such as story time?
3. What are your hours of operation?
4. What are the fees and what do they include? (Some facilities include snacks and lunch). Are there additional fees for music or field trips?
5. What is a typical day like?
6. What is the ratio of teachers to children? This will differ by children’s ages and must meet state standards.
7. What are the teachers’ qualifications? What is your screening/hiring process?
8. Do the caregivers receive benefits? (This question may seem odd, but if the caregivers have a good benefit package, there will be lower turnover, which is important to giving your child a more stable environment.)
9. What are your procedures if a child is hurt?
10. How do you work with children on behavior issues?

What is Real Talent Worth?

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

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A woman was strolling along a street in Paris when she spotted Picasso sketching at a sidewalk café. She asked if he might sketch her and charge accordingly.

Picasso obliged, and in just minutes, there she was, an original Picasso. “And what do I owe you?” she asked. “Five thousand Francs,” he answered. “What! It took you only minutes,” she politely reminded him. “No,” Picasso replied, “it took me all my life.”

Think about what real talent is worth to you, whether you were in need of a mechanic, a lawyer or a new hairstyle. What role did time play in the successful completion of the task – not much.

Why do we judge the value of a person by the concept of time? I have worked with many technical folks who with great effort would pour over a problem for days, but were not able to complete the task. Yet another technical person will come over and in minutes immediately and permanently fix the problem. Then why do we value time?

Recent articles and news programs talk about ‘Mommy Guilt’. Today’s moms are actually spending more time with their children, yet feel guiltier than their mothers. Guilt seems to be a natural byproduct of giving birth. You know how a turkey comes with a gravy packet? I have to believe that as we’re excitedly looking over our brand new baby, a ‘guilt’ packet is inserted into mothers. How else can you how these overwhelming pangs of guilt take over?

Here is a solution to the problem which seems to trouble working mothers much more. Employers need to create programs that allow working parents to have flexible hours by realizing it is about the work that needs to get done, not the ‘face time’ in the office.

Today is a good day to start a revolution.

Visit the following sites to learn more…

Work Options

Jobs and Moms Career Center

Handbook on Alternative Work Schedules

Moms Rising

New Jersey and You – Perfect Together??

Monday, February 5th, 2007

Remember that great ad campaign? NJ and you, perfect together.

Well, if the NJ Paid Family Leave act passes, it might be. The problem is that some businesses are trying to block this important legislation that can be enormously beneficial to families.

I received a letter from a NJ law firm suggesting that [business people like yourselves make your views know that ill-conceived legislation such as this can be defeated.]

Fortunately, there are organizations such as ‘NJ Time to Care’ that provide information and facts that explain this legislation. Please click on their site link and fast facts so you can be informed.

Listen to a broadcast by the American Public Media explaining why this is so important, as if you don’t already know. Families that have been in situations where family illness, childbirth or adoption requires time off, know what a tremendous difference it would make to have paid leave.

For those that worry this law will make NJ businesses less competitive; it won’t. New Jersey is presently the 48th worst ‘business friendly’ state. The success of a businesses is dependent on sound leadership. Taking care of NJ families will make our families stronger, businesses stronger, and NJ workers loyal.

Sounds like a win-win.

Finally, let your legislators know how important this law is to your family, post a comment to let other readers know what you think, and be sure to tell your friends.