Do we now understand you can’t multitask?

February 28th, 2017

The drama of the 89th Annual Academy Awards was not due to the actors or motion pictures being honored. The drama occurred as a result of a blunder caused by the accounting firm of PriceWaterhouseCooper. Accounting firms are not normally known for drama.

Brian Cullinan, one of the two PriceWaterhouseCoopers partners who handled the Oscar envelopes on Sunday night, was tweeting photos from backstage minutes before he handed Warren Beatty the wrong Best Picture envelope.

Multitasking caused this error. Multitasking simply doesn’t work; it just isn’t possible to do two things at once.

The most incredible part was when the accountant jumps up and says, ‘He (presenter Warren Beatty) took the wrong envelope!’ and goes running onstage.”

He took the wrong envelope? Nope. You gave him the wrong envelope.

Now, imagine all the times children need their parents attention. Parents are so often on their phones, children feel less important than the Snapchat stories parents are creating, text messages they are sending, or Facebook posts. It has become such an epidemic that a nursery school post asking parents to pay attention to their kids went viral.

What the incident at the Academy Awards demonstrated was that sometimes the effect of our inability to multitask is immediate.

What we won’t know for some time is the impact multitasking has on our children. If Cat Stevens’s lyrics hold true as written in Cat’s in the Cradle, then I’m gonna’ be like you dad, you know I’m gonna’ be like you.

Finally, how do we define irony? While mentally composing this blog post, I got on the wrong train.

 

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Accountability, Parenting 101, Popular culture, Raising a Person You Want to Meet at Age 25, Raising children, Technology | 2 Comments »

The value in finding a common enemy

January 29th, 2017

To me… it appears that there have been differences of opinion and party differences, from the first establishment of government to the present day, and on the same question which now divides our own country; that these will continue through all future time; that every one takes his side in favor of the many, or of the few, according to his constitution, and the circumstances in which he is placed. – Thomas Jefferson

Action

This is a call to action to move from divisiveness to finding common ground, which can be achieved by addressing common societal enemies.

Background

A few disparate events in my life highlight the challenges we have listening to each other.

  • My six-month old grandson Matthew was ‘talking’ to me in baby babble. I had no way to understand what he was saying but nevertheless I listened because it was obvious what he had to say was quite important.
  • My daughter Noelle’s wedding was exactly one month before the Presidential election. We strongly discouraged political conversation.
  • We had a Thanksgiving rule at our house. At the dinner table, phones and politics were not allowed. It was a lovely dinner!
  • I have good friends that attended the Inauguration on January 20th, and I have good friends that attended marches on January 21st.

We are not able to communicate with each other because we have vastly differing points of view and refuse to listen to each other. We gravitate to those with the same point of view, but don’t engage in conversation with those who don’t see things the same way. With a few notable exceptions, such as Hitler and Osama bin Laden, people are rarely pure evil.

Yet when there is a crisis, such as a multi vehicle car wreck, we don’t ask about political affiliation, but immediately jump in to help. People are amazed at their strength and ability to work together.

It is that thinking that we need now to creatively solve distinct and different problems to demonstrate how we can work together by starting with things we agree on. By engaging in real conversation, you know the kind where one person is talking and the other is really listening…we can create persuasive arguments.

Here is one to get us started; there is a crisis in quality childcare for many working parents, isolation for many elders, and college costs so high that it is impossible for students to even consider college.

What if we combined the challenges of those groups, and found solutions so they could help each other?

Closing

If you’ve got a better idea how to fix this, I’m listening.

 

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

  

Posted in Communication, Conflict, Empathy, Hope, Making a Difference | 1 Comment »

What are the things we really need?

December 29th, 2016

Your children need your presence more than your presents. Jesse Jackson

When answering questions on the TV show Jeopardy, you must phrase your answers in the form of a question.

Assume the category was, “Things that matter,” the answer properly phrased would be “What are the things we really need.”

Our needs are simple. Our wants are much greater. I love to subscribe to this philosophy for buying gifts for children:

  1. Something to wear
  2. Something to read
  3. Something they want
  4. Something they need

Plus one more gift; something to give. As we celebrating our grandson’s first Christmas, we bought him:

  1. A Santa outfit which you will see in the video
  2. The classic Polar Express book
  3. A toy selected by his parents
  4. Money for his college fund

We made a donation to Doctors Without Borders in his name. As he gets older and understands more, we will let him select the charity of his choosing. I personally don’t know any needy children, but if we buy them too much, we will raise greedy children.

Now that my children are adults, I realize we could have bought them less. The children won’t remember all the gifts they opened on Christmas morning, but they will remember the things they need; the time you spend with them and traditions and memories you shared on this and every holiday.

Enjoy the fun we had and memories we are building.

Have a happy and healthy New Year!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Memories, Money & Material Things, Philanthropy, Time, Traditions | 1 Comment »

How sweet potatoes can keep our traditions yet change our view of the world

November 30th, 2016

We had such an amazing Thanksgiving, and loved sharing our traditions and stories with our new grandson.  The videos are below.

But here is an interesting connection related to something we love as a tradition, yet take for granted – sweet potatoes!

Four scientists have been awarded the 2016 World Food Prize for enriching sweet potatoes, which resulted in health benefits for millions of people. Please read this incredible article to see science and parent education can have transformational effects on millions of pre-school children in 118 nations.

And to us, it was simply a traditional side dish!

Enjoy the holiday season!

 

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

Posted in Grandparents, Traditions | No Comments »

Food fixes everything, especially problems with society

October 30th, 2016

 

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. Mother Teresa

If you’re like me, you want to disconnect from all election news.

Why do we hang our hopes on a leader for societal improvements?   Are we going to have these same conversations four years from now? Eight years from now?

What if the changes were easier than we thought, and we don’t need to wait for anyone?

I believe we can, and change simply begins with food.

Think about when you are happy?   It usually involves, family, friends and food, and connecting with each other around the table. It so happens there are grass movements (ha ha literally!) going on in the country to make sure everyone has access to healthy food.

  1. It begins with school gardens, community gardens, and with the help of the Roofing Advisors rooftop gardens are possible too.
  2. It’s as simple as making sure a child has a good breakfast before school.
  3. It’s as real as a billionaire believing in chickens.

These powerful movements can grow with a single seed.  What do you say we each plant one?

Have a great week!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Empathy, Family, Family Friendly America, Food, Friendship | No Comments »

Leaders with no followers are just taking a walk

September 25th, 2016

On the eve of the presidential debate, we are reminded of the crisis in leadership that presently exists in this country.

In the case of Wells Fargo, words serving as their mission statement and values were carefully constructed yet meaningless catch phrases, “Everything we do is built on trust. It doesn’t happen with one transaction, in one day on the job or in one quarter. It’s earned relationship by relationship.”

Statements no doubt prepared by expensive consultants and approved by Wells Fargo’s leadership team.

America’s Most Valuable Bank is a title Wells Fargo will no longer hold as the revelation that thousands of their employees were creating bogus checking and credit card accounts in order to meet their strict and unrealistic quotas the only way possible – by cheating.

This fraudulent practice has been going on for years. Over two million fake accounts were created and, as a result, over 5000 people were fired. Clearly this scandal reveals cultural and management problems at Wells Fargo. There are lessons to be learned from this crazy story, and one is: The Misuse of Metrics.

With over two million accounts opened, and no further activity on those accounts, the only metric that mattered was opening accounts.  Where was the compliance monitoring?

Best said by Senator Elizabeth Warren who challenged Wells Fargo’s CEO John Stumpf at Banking Committee Hearing.

Let’s also consider Mylan’s CEO Heather Bresch who testified in front of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.  The price of the device, used in emergencies to treat severe allergic reactions, has increased more than 500% since Mylan acquired it in 2007.

Let’s model real leadership for our children.  Hopefully their generation won’t play a game of words.  We can do better; we must do better.

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

Posted in Integrity, Leadership, Trust, Uncategorized, values | No Comments »

Boys will be boys is hardly true

August 27th, 2016

boys will be boys

 

Sports do not build character.  They reveal it.

John Wooden

The phrase ‘boys will be boys’ has become synonymous for men getting away with unsuitable behavior such as the the ever-changing story of the alleged Rio robbery of four Olympic swimmers — Ryan Lochte, Gunnar Bentz, James Feigen, and Jack Conger.

The Rio Olympics spokesman Mario Andrada, showed the IOC isn’t too worried about the severity of Lochte and friends making up a robbery story that quickly stole the nation’s attention:

I do not regret having apologized. No apologies from [Lochte] or other athletes are needed. We have to understand that these kids came here to have fun. Let’s give these kids a break. Sometimes you make decisions that you later regret. They had fun, they made a mistake, life goes on.

Unbelievable!

That was the only negative story to come out a country that had a dangerous image prior to the Olympics.  Why give them a pass, and not even require an apology?

This is not a case of boys will be boys.

But there are cases where boys should be boys, such as five-year-old Omran Daqneesh who was photographed sitting dazed and bloodied in the back of an ambulance after surviving a regime airstrike in Aleppo highlighting the desperation of the Syrian civil war.

He should not be covered head to toe with dust and disoriented.  He should be playing with other kids his age, and I have to believe that is what the term boys will be boys was originally intended to convey.

Ryan Lochte can wordsmith the event all he wants, but the rest of us have to stop making excuses and exceptions for athletes. They should transition from boys to men just like everyone else.

Have a great week!

 

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

 

Posted in Accountability, Character, values | 1 Comment »

Unfortunately our present may be our future

July 18th, 2016

hope is not a strategy

Each week as the adults are talking about the current example of unimaginable violence, we worry about what to tell the kids.  Instead of protecting them, share your values.  Let them know how you expect them to treat others.

As an example, this past weekend a friend was at a fast food restaurant with her 13 year-old son.  She asked him to hold the table as she got the food.  After they left, he began crying in the car and told his mom three kids called him an F… Slow Stupid Retard. He is autistic.

The mom told her son the boys probably don’t have parents that teach them right from wrong.  They may not be loved as he is loved.  They simply may not know any better.  But we do.

Hope is not a strategy, but decisive planning is.  Don’t expect your children to learn kindness or empathy on their own.  As their greatest and most important teachers, that is our job.

We are being distracted by things such as Pokémon Go.  We have to be careful or the cult film Idiocracy will be our future.  The good news is that when children are born, they don’t know the hate or prejudice that are the root cause of our problems as indicated in the lyrics below from South Pacific.  Perhaps, we’ll get lucky and the parents who would teach hate and fear will be too busy playing Pokémon Go.

You’ve got to be taught

To hate and fear,

You’ve got to be taught

From year to year,

It’s got to be drummed

In your dear little ear

You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,

You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,

Before you are six or seven or eight,

To hate all the people your relatives hate,

You’ve got to be carefully taught

lyrics from South Pacific

Hoping for an uneventful week.

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

 

Posted in Empathy, Kindness, values | No Comments »

Welcome to our world little one!

July 10th, 2016

IMG_0222

 

“We did not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.” Ancient Indian Proverb

 

To our new grandson, we are so very happy that you arrived this week healthy and happy!

Your parents are good people, and you are loved by a very large (and somewhat crazy) extended family. Having so many people ‘in your corner’ is a very good thing!

We will encourage you to play, learn and grow to be someone good in this world.

Here is a little advice from Nonna:

  1. When you color, use all the crayons in the box. That will make your picture so much more interesting.
  1. When playing with your friends, they may have different ideas on what to play or how to play. Listen to their ideas, too. After all, the objective is to have fun. If you start with that in mind, everybody wins!
  1. Be grateful for everything you have, and remember it’s more about the people you are playing with, than about the game.
  2. There are certain games, like baseball, where you have to choose sides. Remember, you only have to choose sides when the game specifically calls for it. Other times, it’s nice to start in the middle rather than taking sides.
  3. Although the message in stories is that some people are good and others are bad, that is very rarely true.
  4. Don’t think you can look at a person and know the kind of person they are. Give people the benefit of the doubt. The ugly witch can be a very good person.
  5. Know that we will do everything we can to protect you. And the largest population in the world is good people. They outnumber everyone else.
  6. There aren’t always easy answers to a problem, but we can’t stop trying to fix them. There is always something we can do.
  7. You are going to make mistakes. Admit them, apologize, learn from your mistakes and move on.
  8. It is always a good time to be kind.

Every time a child is born, so is a grandparent.

I love you all the time!

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Follow Parental Wisdom on Twitter

 

Posted in Babies, Grandparents | 4 Comments »

Your honor, I used to believe in the judicial system

June 12th, 2016

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”  – Marie Curie

I’m presently going through the jury selection process, called “voir dire,” which is Latin for “to speak the truth.” In voir dire, the judge and attorneys for both sides ask potential jurors questions to determine if they are competent and suitable to serve in the case.

I only know that because My Cousin Vinny is one of my favorite movies.

During the selection, you are asked if you believe in the judicial system.  I’m encouraged by the attention paid to this process especially when compared to North Korea sentencing of American student Otto Frederick Warmbier to 15 years of hard labor after accusing him of removing a political banner from a hotel.

I understand justice is not always served, even for promising athletes like Brian Banks.  As you read his story, if not for this unjust situation, he may have been playing for the NFL.

But the reason the Stanford case has me concerned is I don’t understand the sentencing.  I get that it’s not my job as a juror; a juror’s job is to listen to evidence, the law, and render a verdict with the burden of proof on the prosecution.

For the sentencing, Your Honor, I assume there are rules, guidelines, guardrails, call them what you like, but there has to be a way to show your work.

Like millions, I read the letters; from the victim, from the father of the guilty party, from Vice President Joe Biden. I’m heartbroken for the victim and her family and know that the sentence doesn’t change what happened.

There’s no way I would know the appropriate sentence, but I can’t fathom how six months is right.  That is my question.  Could you please show your work so we could all understand.

Without understanding, we just take sides.

With understanding, we can build bridges rather than walls.

And then maybe we won’t react to sound bites, and fill our need to place blame.

Feasibly we can pay more attention to changing things that will make a lasting difference, rather than participating in momentary outrage.

Conceivably there might be one less American tragedy as happened today with the Orlando shooting.

But we allow ourselves to be easily distracted as we always do.

It begins and ends with understanding. I’m listening, so please show your work.

 

Tina Nocera, Founder

Parental Wisdom®

Posted in Social Conscious | No Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »